2009.

A Service trip to Honduras during March Break.



Great times with friends at Freshwind 2009

Best 18th birthday present ever: A trip to see The Sound of Music. Earlier that day was a specialty breakfast at Glendon college, and an Il Fornello dinner with family.
A tea party birthday party with my best girls: Scones, tea, and elaborate hats.


An exciting year for my first album: The Heart - CD release concert on April 18th.

Prom.

Graduation.
Dates with my favourite brother downtown. Favourite was dinner and poetry slam.
6 weeks spent in Trois-Pistoles Québec perfecting my french.

My first semester at Glendon College, with a full scholarship.

Other highlights of this year include Rumors production with the Upper Level Drama Class, different gigs in the Toronto area, leading worship at North York, Frosh Week at Glendon, and York U Gospel Choir on Tuesday nights.

Here's to 2009, here's to a new year, here's to seeing what God's going to do with it.

K

Anne.

I spent this evening curled up on the couch beside the fireplace watching the first part of Anne of Green Gables The Sequel.

The one where Gilbert Blythe professes his love to her - finally after all this time. And I realized, that this is the first time I've watched Anne of Green Gables The Sequel, and realized how head over heals he is for her. I guess I've always been to young to notice. It felt like I was watching an entirely new movie.

But it's not only Gilbert Blythe that makes this one of the greatest stories - but it's Anne spirit and character. It's her interaction with Marilla, her adventures in Avonlea, her messups with Rachael Lynd, and her trials at the Pringle school.

This story is the one story that I wish could be real. I know that there are people who go and visit Prince Edward Island, only to see the house used in this beautiful novel. And I find myself sometimes forgetting that it is only that; a story based on a real place.
But wouldn't it be great if in that house, you would find a happy, slowly aging, married Gilbert and Anne?

All I know is that if Gilbert Blythe took the time to tell me that he'd wait for me, man, I'd fall head over heals for him too.

K

It's Christmas Eve!

YAAAAAAYYY! That means presents tonight.

Oh, and Jesus - Him too.

K

It's Christmas time.

I used to be really into painting. In fact I have 7 painted canvases hung up on my wall, and a storage room downstairs with a shelf dedicated to paints, brushes, and art supplies.

I've never considered myself to be an incredible artist, but I've always liked how painting quiets me down. It takes me away for a little while, to a more peaceful place and it gives me a whole bunch of time to just think ... about everything.

I guess I forgot that feeling. Chalk it up to life, or the excuse of not knowing what to paint, or being busy and trying to stay on top of being a university student - which, by the way, is not as glamourous as it sounds ... really.

But since it's Christmastime I decided to pull out the old paintbrush and paint some Christmas cards - like I like to do every year for those of you that know me. Last year I didn't get around to it, which is a shame.

I take a blank white sheet of cardstock, cut it, fold it, and then paint on Christmas trees, and angels, manger scenes and snowmen ... anything Christmas-y that my little heart desires.

They're simple, but I like it that way.

I even put in a little extra effort so that they would look extra special this year.
I've done 5 so far, and I probably need a few more.

But anyways, I just thought I'd share that after a frustrating evening of studying and paper outlines, and uncertainty about the future - a simple enough thing such as painting cards has me feeling a little bit better.

Maybe everything is ... ok ... with the world after all.

K

Yea, soo I guess I just stop thinking...about you.

I write a lot of things down in this box - with the full intent of publishing it.

Most of it gets saved into a draft though, because I don't really want the whole world reading my deepest thoughts, and cares, and hopes, and loves.

Because diary blogs are overrated anyways.

But then, it ends up that I don't post a lot anymore.
Because anything I write ends up being closer to the diary entry prototype rather than just the everyday blog one.
However, the drafts generally get translated, by me, into a sentence - which I end up using to title these mundane blog posts such as celui-ci (this one).

Whatever, I guess we'll just chalk to up to "teenage angst".

K

Short, short, short.

I got my hair cut yesterday.
It's short.
...probably shorter than I wanted it.
It still looks great, but we just have to take some time getting to know each other (me and my hair that is)

K

I'm come to terms with it.

Finished my last day of classes today.
I have one more exam. Not until the 21st. Psych. Some say it sucks that I'm not done till then, but look at the bright side, at least I have time to study.

When I'm not studying however I will be going to christmas parties!!
I think I'm up to 5 now. 5 holiday parties. Wow, I'm popular!

K

I don't know.

Yea. I don't know.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.
But is it just an illusion of heightened fondness?

Because sometimes it's easier during the moments before you find out what the real picture looks like.
Like right before you find out if you got a part in the school play. Or the moment before you find out if you aced the midterm or not.

Or I guess before you find out if he has an inkling of fondness towards you as well.

Maybe not knowing is better.
Maybe the illusion of fondness is better than the crashing reality of lack there of.

Maybe imagining having the lead, or acing the test is better than actually knowing.

Am I convincing you?
Yea didn't think so.
Haven't convinced myself either.
In then end, you still just want to know.

K

It's December

I woke up this morning with very much reluctance, forcing my eyes to stay open trying realize that the dream world I just left is, in fact, not part of reality.

I went about my normal routine, took a long hot shower, and afterward made my way down to the empty kitchen to make myself some breakfast.

My mother put some Christmas lights up on our deck this past week, and seeing that I get up at an hour where the world is still dark outside, I flicked on the switch, and turned on the glorious lights.

Only when I turned on these lights did I realize that it was snowing. And not only that, but it was snowing my favourite kind of snow. Big clumps of snowflakes falling slowly to the ground.

I stopped by the door that goes out to the walk-out deck in my backyard and just watched it fall for a few minutes.

Needless to say, it made me feel just a little less sleepy, and might have put a tiny grin on my face.

K

Christmas season is here. There's no doubt about it.

Don't worry,

Lately my posts have been kind of down.
But I just thought I'd let y'all know that I'm doing well.

I've got some cool things going for me.
Life is exciting.

Sometimes everyone needs a crying day though.
K

Maybe if I wait here long enough, you'll say hi.

To me.

K

Hello? Anyone there?

I'm starting back at square one.
Like a timid freshman back in high school.

It took me two years in high school to find some really great friends.
And I'm thinking, is it gonna take that long again?

I really miss my friends.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't fit in at all.

K

Wierdest craziest weekend ever!

Yea pretty much.

So Thursday morning I go to work, bright and early, to watch people swim lengths in the pool. I am a lifeguard for any of you that didn't know.

It's generally pretty dull on Thursday mornings. Two people on the shift, half an hour on, half an hour off. However, this Thursday It changed up a bit.

A man, probably in his mid thirties, came onto the pool deck around 11:30am carrying with him socks, and what looked like a homemade snowboard in his hands. He proceeded to enter the water with his contraption. He then donned the socks, slipped his feet into these two hinged foot thingies on the wooden plank, secured the buckles (or whatever it was that kept his feet attached to this board) and proceeded to swim/dolphin kick his feet to the deepend. Now this wasn't just any snowboard - Between the foot contraption and the board was a hinge that allowed him, after kicking his feet just so, to propel himself through the water. He would go pretty deep under the water (now my pool is 12 feet deep, so there's quite a ways to go) and kick his way from one end of the pool to the other in a matter of seconds, swimming under the other patrons as he did so.

(My supervisor was asked to make sure this behaviour in a public pool was ok, she didn't seem to have a problem with it)

Right before my break, I asked him what exactly he was using. With a thick accent he responded, telling me that it was a new technology - the only one of it's kind, and that he was just testing it out.

Later on in the shift, after he had finished using his waterboard, he swam lengths of the pool completely under water. He would slowly swim to one end of the pool and back without taking a breath. I began to believe that he was a fish.

He notified me a little bit later that he would be going to the bottom of the pool to hold his breath for about twenty seconds and that I should not be concerned. He would be ok. He took one of those 10 pound bricks they use for endurance in lifeguard training courses, and made his way to the bottom of the 12 feet deep pool, and proceeded to lie on his back on the bottom with the brick on his chest. Every few seconds he would let out a bubble that would form into a perfectly round ring of air that would rise to the surface all the while staying in its ring, and all the while getting bigger. Picture a smoker blowing smoke rings - it was exactly the same thing.

Right before I was about to finish my last shift, he asked me, again in his strong accent, if I played any sports - he must have assumed that I do because he went on to inform me that my legs were very strong. (Probably a cultural thing) Now feeling very awkward, I said thank you, and to my relief a few minutes later left a few minutes later.

Yea. Weirdest shift ever.
If you're expecting me to shout "just kidding" or "NOT!" or "April Fool's" anytime soon, I wouldn't hold your breath, because this story is no word of a lie.

There you have it. I get paid to watch weird people swim in pools.

K

What do you do when you have no control over the outcome of something happening in your life.
But you want to have control over it?
It's hard to swallow when you realize that there's absolutely nothing you can do... but wait.
And even then they're aren't any guarantees it'll turn out the way you want.

Being someone who likes to get things done yesterday, and who likes to have things organized and planned out just so, and who likes to know what's happening, and down which path things are going, I must say that I feel very helpless.

This is all so new to me. Not sure how I'm liking it


K

...Patience...

"If I mean anything to you, then I should mean enough for you to tell me that I do."

Life is a waiting game sometimes.
But, waiting builds trust, it fuels hope, it reminds me that something better is coming.

I met a girl the other week who's name was patience. I ended up telling my friends at school about that name, but most of them weren't particularly fond of it.
One of my friends defined patience as simply waiting around, in a boring sort of way.

But, for me patience means so much more than 'waiting around'.
For me, it means
Waiting with the anticipation that something better is coming
It's waiting with hope that the things that you long for will come to pass.
It's got a sense of purpose, and direction.
If it's not the right time now, then it will be in sometime the future.

At least that's what I get out of it.

K

Mild weather in the fall is also a welcome surprise.

Today I stepped out of my office where I do my endless hours of homework and went for a walk with my mother because today was an exceptionally beautiful day; too beautiful to miss out on. The sun was shining, it was mild, and the fallen autumn leaves crunched under my feet as I walked outside without so much as a sweater.

My mother and I made our way to starbucks where I had a Chai Tea Latté with cinnamon sprinkled on top of the foam that floats on the top. With the spice and sweet aftertaste lingering on my taste buds, we made our way back home chatting all the way.

It was a nice break.

K

When life changes

it's like you've got to realize your purpose here in life all over again.

It's all different, so now you have to analyze those scary questions:

Where am I going?

What am I living for?

Who are my friends?
What are my priorities?

And sometimes it just seems so uncertain.
Because you don't know what's coming,

But,

If this doesn't break me, then it'll only make me stronger.
If this doesn't tear me down, I'll be able to weather
Anything that comes my way
As long as I remember that you never leave me.

You never leave me.
Your promises are what I'm holding on to.

K

A hand to hold?
What's that like?

I don't really know.

I've noticed

that long distance sucks.
That friendship takes serious effort sometimes.
and that I generally put zero effort into looking nice when I'm hanging around the house all day doing homework.

Basically,

I'm a little confused.
Anyone else with me?

K

Yea. So I'm up to my head in work and exams and assignments and school.

So.. forgive me if I don't have much time to update this blog, or the french one.

You'll see me around.

K

Le Français

I'm thinking of starting a french blog.

It would be written completely in french, and I'd post things about regular stuff going on in my life, my french classes at Glendon, new vocabulary words I learn along the way, French musicians I like, books I'm reading, news I listen too, movies I watch. It would be dedicated to French culture and it's beautiful language.

What do you think?

Moi, je pense que c'est une idée merveilleuse.

:)

THE FRENCH BLOG IS UP! CHECK MY LINKS!

K

Where we gonna go from here?

But sometimes things change.
Right from under your nose.
And there's nothing much you can do.
'Cept maybe pray.

And you didn't expect it. No sir.
But this is the way it is.
And now you just gotta do some rearranging.

Networking

One of my goals as I start off my university career is to meet a lot of new people. The opportunity we've been given as students in a large educational institution is really one to be cherished. The relationships we make in the next four years could be the people that stick with us for a very long time. So, I'm trying to branch out a bit.

Church, Ultimate Frisbee. C4C, Glendon Christian Fellowship, Friends at Glendon, Cell, Gospel Choir - I got a lot of people running through my life right now.

It's hard to remember so many names.

Friend

I miss you.
I'd drop anything just to have a conversation.
You know that, right?
Let's talk.

K

You show me chivalry ain't dead.

Deep down somewhere in the core of my being,
and I can especially feel it when I play my music,
and I can especially feel it lately for some odd reason,
I think I'm a hopeless romantic.

But for now, I guess, it's still a season of keeping that tucked away for later use...

yup.

K

So, I'm going to be on TV next Friday.
I'm playing a little music on York Region Daytime.
Which is cable channel 63 I believe.
You can check it out at 11am, 3pm, and 5pm.
It's gonna be fun.

K

Tabula Rasa

I was really thinking about my relationship with God last night, and how it relates to every other aspect in my life. It's been pretty rough lately, I'd say just because I'm in a point of transition. Everything in my life feels like it's up in the air. Music, University, Friendships, Relationships, Work, Church, Activites. Everything's changing all at once.

But, I got this crazy picture in my head from God last night. I asked him if we could start over. If, in this changing part of my life, we could start with a blank slate.

And so, I saw myself pushing a heaping unorganized pile of stuff that symbolized my life off of a floor. I cleared off the floor by putting all the stuff on the edges and said "There, let's start with a clean slate, a clean floor, just you and me"
And God said to me,
"That's not how we start with a clean slate. It really won't accomplish anything if you sweep everything off to the side. If we're gonna start new and fresh then we need to deal with that stuff."
So, then I got a picture of all of that stuff, representing my life, organized into a tiny little office. The office had bookshelves, and a desk, drawers, and every other thing you could imagine that would help to organize a working space.
And God said to me, "If we're gonna start fresh, you can give me your pile of stuff, and we'll organize it together. One day at a time. And I'll hold onto your dreams, your aspirations, your relationships, your school situation. It's all here in this space. I'll be watching over it."

That was really powerful because I realized then that I had had the impression that starting with a blank slate meant that I needed to get my relationship with God in order before I could start dealing with the mess in my life. And once I had established this working relationship with him, the result would be me being able to figure out where I stand in this transition.

But for God, it's not like that. Not only does he want to start fresh and new, but he wants to help me deal with my stuff at the same time. In fact, starting new MEANS dealing with the stuff. My relationship with God is not separate from the different aspects of my life, but rather an interconnected factor that influences it.

That's cool.

K

4 day weekends are sweet man!

Update on my time at Glendon.

I have successfully finished my first class in all six of my courses.
I can already tell that it's going to be a lot of work. But, who are we kidding, I expected that.
My "List of things to do" is already stretching from here to Timbuktu, which makes me thankful for my 4 day weekends, those of which I will be spending the majority of my time doing homework.

I went to my first Gospel Choir Rehearsal today! I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. It was absolutely fantastic, completely worth my time taking the shuttle from Glendon to Keele. I'm going to love it.

My French classes: I feel that they will be helpful in terms of improving my french, but whether or not they will be fun... that is yet to be seen. Probably not. We'll see. I want to stay optimistic. I really want to spend this year applying myself to speak, read, and listen to la langue française hors de l'école (outside of the classroom).

In terms of extra curricular.. not sure yet what I'll have time for. I tried to sign up for Glendon Christian Fellowship, but they seem to meet on all the days that I am not available. Tuesday nights, when I'm at the Gospel Choir at Keele, Monday nights when I work, and Thursdays when I'm not at school. So, we'll see how that works out.

Needless to say, I'm coming home tired (more like wiped) everyday, and I am in the midst of getting over a cold.
Eugh...but I'm content.

K

University Student

If you take a look at my 'About Me' section. You'll see one thing that has changed. I went from being a High School student to one in University.

I had my first official day of University today. Two, three hour classes from 9-3pm. Not that bad considering my first class let out 45 minutes early, and my second 2 hours early.

My courses?

French - Grammar
French - Oral and Phonetics
Communication, Health, and Environment
Intro to Psych
Thinking and Writing Critically
Gospel Choir

Being on a campus like Glendon, regardless of the fact that I'm living at home, makes me feel inspired. Maybe I'm speaking to fast, and need to wait until the dead of winter when I'm up to my eyebrows in readings, tests, and papers. But, it's a change. And I think that overall it's going to be a positive one.

I've probably been sounding a little bit like a broken record these days in my posts, but give the girl a break, she just started UNIVERSITY!

First day of classes - survived.
Thank you very much.
First week of classes - finished... (considering I only have classes Monday through Wednesday and today is Wednesday and classes started today)

My 4 day weekend is looking ever so lovely.
Tomorrow is the ugly task of spending oodles of money on textbooks that I'll probably never use after this year. Oh the joys.

K

Waiting game.

I guess I've just been feeling a little out of it lately.
It seems like everything around me is changing so quickly.
And it's all good. But good change doesn't stop you from needing to make adjustments.

There are a lot of 'Firsts' happening in my life right now.
With University looming, and new friendships, my head is spinning a little bit.

When change happens, it's so easy to worry. It's so easy to try and juggle everything you've got going on by yourself.

But, I've been taking every day this past week one step at a time.
We'll just do one day at a time.
And see how it goes from there.

So, If I think about it. This is really the last day of my summer vacation. Because Frosh Week begins tomorrow!

I should do something terribly epic today.
But I'm out of ideas.

I'm going to a party tonight though! That's exciting.

K

4 letter word.

What is the difference between actually needing someone, and needing the idea of them?
Is it that we want to hold their hand, spend time with them specifically, be wrapped up in their warm embrace, or do we just want a hand to hold; someone yet no one in particular with which we can feel happy and loved?
Do we get caught up with the idea of love and relationships, and all the implications it brings?
And is it the idea we fall in love with, rather than the person?
Maybe.
But,
Maybe all relationships begin with this idea.
Has anyone ever been like: "I had no idea that we would enter into this relationship before the very second that we officially did."
Don't think so.
Is it a selfish idea? Maybe even a dangerous one?
Are we supposed to shut down that idea, that need and desire to love and be loved and wait for it to ACTUALLY happen?
Again, don't think so.
But is there a fine line between the two? And how to we ride that wave?
Thoughts anybody?

K

Anyone out there?

I was wondering if, in order to have a blog, you need to have some sort of theme that you follow when writing posts?

For example, my brother has a photo blog. He takes wonderful pictures and posts them. And only when he feels like it does he add his two cent's worth with some written words. After all, a picture speaks a thousand words.

I just recently watched 'Julie and Julia' in Theatres. The girl in that movie started a blog about cooking. In fact she cooked her way through a cookbook for a year, and wrote a blog about it.

And me. Well, I really don't have anything specific that I want or need to write about.
But, I figure, since there are a substantial amount of people doing the exact same thing as me, that's it's probably all right to keep going the way that I am.

K

6 weeks.

I think I owe it to you guys to write in English this time. I am home from Québec after all.
It feels good to be home. To have my own bed. To be able to eat my own food. Speak my first language. Have internet at home. Know how to do the laundry.

I felt humidity again today for the first time in 6 weeks.
With the St. Lawrence right beside you, you forget that humidity exists, because the fresh breeze from the water blows any trace of it away.

I read a chapter from Jeanne, fille du Roy today. A french novel. I've read the chapter before during Grade 12 French. But this time, I whipped through the pages, understanding so much better the meaning of the words. It was actually amazing. I feel like I've finally reached a level of french where I can do more than get by. Where I can have actual conversations, with old folks from an old folk's home no less!
All of the hard work, all of the years of study, all of the painful hours of wondering over the stange grammatical rules, are SO worth it, just when I realize that I can speak the language.

I'm definitely not fluent. Not yet.
But when I found myself in a francophone setting this summer, all of the grammar that I'd studied for so long all the sudden began making sense. And I began using it in an oral setting.
There's nothing cooler than realizing that you suddenly understand tiny little pronouns like "EN" and "DONT", and can use them on a regular basis.

Trois-Pistoles was one of the coolest expierences ever.
I'd do it again.
We'll see.

Enjoy the English.
I've missed you guys.
K

Il y a été un changement de programme. Je vais retourner chez moi. Vendredi.
À bientôt. :)

Change of plans. I'm coming home. Friday
See you soon!

Je m'ennuie.

Il prend du courage d’être ici après tout le monde a quitté.
Hier soir, je suis allé au Caveau Théâtre pour un spectacle d’humour. Un des animateurs du programme Explore est en train de commencer un acte du comédie, donc, j’ai pensé que je devrais aller, juste pour voir qu’est ce qui se passe.

Personne n’est pas venue avec moi. Je suis arrivé au théâtre, j’ai vu beaucoup de gens que je connaît (Ma prof, mon animateur, les autres animateurs/trices du programme). Mais, je me suis assis toute seule parce que je n’étais pas confortable de m’asseoir avec eux. Je ne sais pas pourquoi, mais maintenant que le programme a fini, aussi le travail des animateurs. Ai-je le droit ?

Je veux que mon travail commence.
Fromagerie ce soir !

K

C'est fou. Absolument fou. J'ai fini 'Explore'. Hier, tout le monde est parti sur le train. À trois heure du matin. Euuh. C'est bizarre que le temps a passé si vite.

Alors, la deuxième partie de mon été peut commencer. Langue et Travail. Je commence mardi.

Je vais écriver plus demain quand j'ai plus de temps.

Maintenant je vais regarder un film Québecois avec des autres filles ici qui a resté pour Langue et Travail aussi.

K

Je comprend pas pourqoui l'écriture de mon dernier post est devenu un "link" de la première photo. Désolé. lol

K

3 semaines fini.
Si vous n'avez pas encore entendu, j'ai décidé de rester ici pour 3 semaines en plus pour un programme qui s'appelle 'Langue et Travail'.

C'est un programme où les étudiants ont la chance pour travailler ici, font de l'argent, et continuent d'amélioré leur français.

Je pense que je vais travailler au Villa des Basques qui est un maison pour les personnes âgées.

Ce weekend, il y a le festival d'échofête ici a Trois-Pistoles, avec beaucoup de spectacles, et kiosks, et activités. Ce soir, il y a un Conte (un conte est un histoire.. un conteur est quelqu'un qui raconte un histoire) C'est une grande tradition au Québec.

Demain, il y a un spectacle de Yann Pereau. Il est célèbre pour ses chansons et sa musique.

Bonjour Tout le monde.

J'était ici à Trois-Pistoles il y a une semaine.

Désolée pour n'écriver pas, mais je suis toujours occupée. Quand je ne suis pas dans l'école, je suis dans mon atalier, quand je ne suis pas dans mon atalier, j'ai beaucoup de devoirs à faire, quand je n'ai pas devoirs, il y a quelque chose à faire ici à Trois-Pistoles.

Je n'ai pas l'access d'internet chez moi, alors ça c'est une autre raison pour n'écriver pas.

Je commençais écriver une chanson en français. Il y a un caberet dans 2 semaine, et je veux jouer quelquechose, mais le chanson a besoin d'être en français. C'est très difficile, alors les paroles sont assez simple.

Alors, je parler en français tout le temps, avec mes amis, avec ma famille d'hôtesse, aves les étudiants, et les gens ici a Trois-Pistoles.

Et maintenant, je pense que c'est penible quand les étudiants anglophone parlent en anglais.
Mais c'est vraiment une programme d'imersion.

J'ai un présentation orale demain. J'avait besion de demander a quelqu'un qui habite à Trois-Pistoles, ce qui répresnte la société québecoise, et puis, j'ai besion de décrire la même chose pour ma culture. Maintenant j'ai fini, peutêtre un peu plus pratiquer, mais je suis, pour la plupart, prête.

Alors,
ça c'est tout pour aujourd'hui

Bonjour.

K

Je n'ai pas le temps pour ecriver quelque chose maintenant, mais peutêtre ce soir.

Mias, après 4 jours du pluie, il fait du soleil! ENFIN :)

K

Je suis ici à Trois-Pistoles

J'ai arrivé hier à Trois-Pistoles. Je reste avec Claire et André en haut d'une petite café qui s'appelle 'Café de la petite Chansonnier'. (Je pense). Il y a trois autres filles que restent avec moi aussi. Elles s'apellent Katherine, Sylvia, et Chloe.

Je veux écriver en Français pour les cinque semaines. Je sais que je ferai beaucoup des erreurs mais c'est bien.

Demain commençent les classes. Je prends une classe Orale. Et après-midi, chaque jour, je prends la musique pour mon atalier.

Il prendra du temps de bien savoir manier le Français, mais je pense que j'apprendrai beaucoup.

Salut. A bientôt!

Kirstyn

Trois-Pistoles

I'm slowly getting very nervous for this up and coming Saturday.

It's hitting me that come Friday morning I'm going to make the 12 hour trip to Trois-Pistoles where I will enter into a world that speaks a language other than the one most comfortable to me. By Saturday afternoon I will have taken a French placement test, said goodbye to my lovely parents, and moved into a house with a family I don't know.

In a way, I'm extremely excited. In another, I'm scared silly.

But, I know I'm ready for it.
And I'm certain that I'm going to have a really amazing time.
But still.
Nothing's worth doing, if there isn't the thrill of a risk.
Life was meant for adventure.
So let's go. Vasy.

Nobody likes being the third wheel.

Well, that's it.

Diploma in hand.
I sang last night, in front of my entire graduating class, the staff at TD, and anyone who attended Commencement last night. Everyone else I know is being nostalgic, so I suppose I should spend some time sharing my thoughts about the night.

It's crazy to think that that was the last time I would sing as a student at TDCH. I've got so many performances under my belt. They all happened in the commons on Friday mornings, or at Talent Nights.

It felt good to stand in that line afterwards shaking a million hands and saying thank you. I feel like I've actually accomplished something incredibly significant. I've realized how much I'm going to miss some of the teachers, and a lot of my friends.

It doesn't feel like I've gotten any closure. But, how do you get any at an event like this? How do you just say goodbye to people you've spent the last four years of your life with. What if they're moving away, leaving the country, going to University. What if it's you that's leaving?
And you hope that somehow you'll be able to stay in touch.

Can I be honest? I think it's really sloppy when people wear jeans and flip flops, or in some cases, barefeet, to go and shake hands with the principal and receive your Diploma. I wish there was a rule about that. Anyways, I looked classy at least. With my high heel purple prom shoes.

Anyways. That's it. I'll go back and visit.
I leave for Quebec in a week. AHHH!
K

High heel purple pumps.

I'm going to wear my Prom dress again for Commencement tomorrow.

Because it matches my shoes, and the shoes are the only thing you see with that big black robe on anyways.
You gotta impress everyone with fantastic shoes. And my prom shoes, well they were fantastic.
So there you go, a perfect explanation.

I am graduating high school tomorrow.
All the marks are in.
Everything's finished.
All that needs to be done is the ceremony.
I'm incredibly proud of myself.
I'm ready.

Let the sun shine.

I went shopping today. All day. Literally.
I left at 9am this morning and walked back into my house at 7pm.
My mom and I went down to Dundas Square to the Eaton Centre and the surrounding stores.
We had a mission. A very specific list of things that we needed/wanted.
And we succeeded in getting all of the things on our list.
That doesn't happen very often.
We went to all the stores we wanted to, and went back again a few times.

It was wonderful because I actually had money to spend.

I love summer.

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And then I went to work for an hour an a half. Lifeguarding.
We had nachos and yummy dip in the guard office.
A farewell snack.

I bought the Eric Hutchinson Album 'Sounds Like This' - It's pretty chill.

I kind of feel like writing something about more serious. But nothing's coming to mind.

Later.

K

Adventures in the Downtown

Now that I'm officially finished school,
I finally had some time to do something other than study!
Here's me and my brother exploring Queen Street.
I'll put more up later.

Last day, last day, last day...

I just keep thinking to myself.

Today is my last day of studying.
Tomorrow is my last exam.
You can do it.

Study days always seem as if you've done absolutely nothing all day long.

Well back to English.

K

p.s. I got 2 french books to read in Quebec this summer! So excited.
Also, I probably plan on posting in French when I blog.
If you don't understand, then... well... I guess you'll just need to find someone who does.

Wet peanut butter.

One of the worst smells in the world is wet peanut butter.

You take the knife you just used to make yourself a peanut butter sandwich and you run it under the tap to clean it off.... that smell... is one of the worst.

K

So let's make a new list

This is what I still need to get done:

Literary Terms Quiz
Vectors Test
Drama Monologue
Vectors Exam
English Exam

That's it, and then I graduate high school.

I'm butt tired of studying for math, but I know that after tomorrow morning when I take the test, I'll feel relieved.

I feel like I'm sprinting toward the end.

K

Last Week

We're all really tired.
We're all really busy.
It's so close now.

So this is what wonderfully tired feels like

Prom's not overrated.

I had a fabulous time.

Manicure/Pedicure
Hair done
Get dressed up
Take fabulous pictures
Feel beautiful in my high heels and dress
Arrive
Smile at everyone, say "You look beautiful"
Eat yummy food
Win a grammy
Dance till my feet hurt
Take a break
Dance some more
Get some water
Dance Dance Dance
Go to After Prom
Go to After After Prom
Have a bonfire
Smores, spider weenies, coke in a glass bottle
Reminisce with best friends about everything and anything
Stay up till it's light outside
Go inside crash on the couch
Sleep for a few hours
Go for an early morning swim
Eat a fabulous breakfast
Go for another swim with friends
Drive home with Rachelle
Walk inside
Find out that I've been awarded a scholarship for next year!
Crash again - sleeeeeeeeeep
And here we are.

Prom is definitely not overrated.

I bought a new camera. I'm hoping that it will encourage me to take more pictures, record more of my life, have fun with photography. I wouldn't get your hopes up though.

One of my friends was watching a whole ton of videos that she recorded on her camera throughout the past four years. They include little snipits of the best parts of high school: Gr. 11 service trip, parties, lunch time in the commons, inside jokes with friends etc.. I'm a little jealous that I'm not such an avid photographer. Maybe I could have taken more pictures, had more videos to remind me of the last four years of my life.

Prom is in 3 days. PROM! It's weird because I distinctly saying in Gr. 10 that I couldn't wait until it was our Prom, and here we are. Already. How did we get here so fast?
9 more days of school. 2 study days. 2 exams.

I can tell you exactly what I need to finish before I graduate high school:

One more vectors test
Death of a Salesman presentations
2 vocab quizs
English ISU presentation
Drama Monologue
Drama Tribute
Vectors exam
English exam

Done...
It feels like it'll never end.

K

I'm back.

I've realized how distracting the media is.
I don't like it.
But I'm back.
I'll write more later.

I won't be blogging for 2 weeks.

I'm taking a break from all things Media.

That, for me, includes blogging.

I'll see you in 2 weeks.

Bye :)

K

Roller Coaster? Slightly

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. The reality of University in the fall is slowly dawning on me. It is incredibly exciting and at the same time is nerve-wracking. I've already picked my courses! I know the day, the time, the length, the name, everything.

I have no idea what to expect. It's just going to be SO different from High school. I think that's a good thing.
It'll take some getting used to.

I don't know where we're going
I just know we're going together
And this'll be the journey of a lifetime
I can tell already
So let's go, let's go, let's go wherever you want to take me
Take me, take me, wherever you want to
And I know that there's no going back, no going back.
No we're going forward.

Guess what I'm doing??!!!

Studying for math. Again.

I have a vectors test tomorrow, and so far I've probably spent close to 4 hours studying for the test (that of course is split up over 2 days).

I decided to take a break from my textbook and lead pencils and take some time to tell you the perils of my math-filled life.

If I knew that this course would be so completely time consuming I never would have signed up for it. But since I can't see into the future, I of course didn't know that.

All I know, is that this course is definitely teaching me stuff about work ethic, and independent learning, and all that good stuff.

I feel like I'm slowly entering into the sentimental stage of being a Gr. 12 graduating in just over a month. All of the sudden I'm getting extremely nostalgic.

But I don't have time to explain my feelings.... because ..... THERE'S MAAATHHHH TO DO!!!! (smiles sarcastically) - Story of my life.

If I tell you that I'm taking a math course next year in University out of my own free will, I give you the liberty to smack me on the upside of the head.

Math is my life. At least for the next 18 days (not including weekends... or the exam) oh well. Yes.... I'm counting.

K

This was inspiring for me.

"But I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prie for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things."
Philippians 3:12-15

I've felt out of control lately. I've felt stressed out. I've felt frustrated. I've felt like I can't make it and I can't finish what I need to finish.

I spent this past weekend in Boston celebrating my dad's graduation. My dad completed his Doctor of Ministry and his commencement was this weekend in Massachusetts at the Gordon- Conwell Seminary.

Seeing a graduation like this has made me realize that my time is coming. But first I need to get through these next few weeks.
And I don't have to do it alone.

I'll make it. It'll be tough. But I'll make it.

K

I'm still tired.

Tomorrow I am leaving for Boston with my entire family.
We will be getting into the car at 5am tomorrow morning and making the long 10 hour trip down to Gordon Cornwell to see my daddy graduate. Yay!
I'm pretty excited. Even though being crammed in a car with my family members is not always the most amazing thing. It'll be alright. I have my new Macbook which plays movies... yea!

I'm pretty frustrated with my Vectors course right now. I keep asking myself why I'm in that class. I don't need the credit to graduate. It won't even be in my top 6 marks. There is actually no point for me to be there. Yet, here I am, doing hours of homework every night. 21 more days of class and homework, and then the exam and I'll be finished.
I suppose you could say that it will build character. Or teach me how to learn. Or be independent or something.
But right now it's just a pain in the rear-end.

Whatever.
K

I need to think about nothing for a change.

I think we all should just take a break.
A break from everything.
Go up to a cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere
And sleep in a hammock all day long.
Put on a sweater if it gets a little chilly
Eat comfort food
Curl up with a good book
And forsake facebook for at LEAST a week.
Listen to nature sounds
And just let our minds settle.

No more math.
No more ISU's.
No more homework.
No more 'Rumors'
No more working.
No more prom.
No more facebook.
No more choir.
No more stress.
No more responsibility.
I just need a break!
But... in reality I won't be getting one for quite some time.

Walk to remember is still one of my all time favourite movies.
It never gets old.
Sorry to those who don't agree.

I'm utterly exhausted.
I have been singing for two days straight and really just need a break.
Tomorrow I'll be in the pool for 8 hours to do my NLS recert.

My weekends are ending up being busier than my week at school.
Something is not right here.

Yea. Nothing else to write here.
K

Unconstructive Critisism

Most awkward day ever?
I think yes.
All I know is that criticism that isn't constructive sucks butt.

Question everything?

Is there such a thing as spending too much time at church?
Ahhh.. did Kirstyn just say that? Blasphemous!
But seriously, I'm wondering.
I love church.
I love going.
But we might as well question everything we do.
Because if we don't even know what the purpose is...
then what's the point?

This is not a bash against church. Church is awesome. It's a beautiful thing that brings community together and helps people grow and learn.
But I'm just kind of wondering.
What happens when it starts to seem stale, which it will.
What happens when we've heard this message before.
When we've learned this "preach" already.
Does it need to have further application to our lives?
I'd think definitely.

"All these voices drowning out the only one I want to hear."
Found
By: Kirstyn Krause

Thought trail...

I honestly feel like just rambling right now. I don't know if I have anything particularly exciting to say or not. But let's just see where this takes me.

I got a lower mark than I've ever gotten on an exam this past week. A mark that doesn't count toward my top six AT all, and I got more upset about it than I wanted to.
My parents say that I'm setting my standards too high, and they're right.
I've spent the whole day home alone today. My parents are off at a wedding, my brother is in Hong Kong, and therefore I'm here by myself.
It's good to be alone sometimes.
It thunderstormed for the first time in a while today. Thunderstorms are exciting when you share them with family or friends, yet kind of intimidating when they sneak up on you when you're home alone. A trampoline in my neighbour's backyard across the street got picked up by the wind and thrown over the fence. It landed on top of a small maple tree. Needless to say, that maple tree is probably dead now. Shame.
You know what's not fair? The fact that we never fall for the friend who's always there for you, but for the friend you leaves you hanging all the time, and never really liked you that much anyway. It's completely backwards.
I feel more than ever that my entire life is lying right in front of me. That my dreams are within arms reach.
What happens in two months when I graduate? What happens to my friends as they move on with their own lives? Yea, sure I feel like getting out of high school, doesn't mean I won't miss a few things that I leave behind.
Maybe I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone. Actually, I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone. Have a little dash of reality. Sometimes it feels like I'm living in a dream.
... alright. That's enough.

K

I pulled out the ole' bike today and took it for a spin.
The weather is beautiful.

I also spent like ... well let's just say... too long working on my outline for my English ISU.
OOOhh I also bought my first pair of high heels yesterday... for the big event coming up in June. Yay!

K

That will be me next year.
Done school in late April.
Ready for the summer...the summer job I suppose.

But for now, these next four weeks, right up until Prom are going to be some of the busiest I've ever had I think.
And I realized that when I look at all the of the events together as a whole month of stuff to do, it's daunting.
But if I take one day at a time and trust God to provide me with strength, endurance, and ability to do what I need to do for that specific day, it really doesn't seem all that scary.
Perspective is everything.
Trust is everything.

It's easiest to trust God when things are going great in your life, and nearly impossible when they aren't. This is something I am working on.

On another note,

I'm writing again. Writing music, writing melodies, writing lyrics.
I'm writing a song.
It feels good.
To have time to focus on new music rather than the songs I had to prepare for the concert (as epic as the concert was).

I've decided...

That I want to be one of those people that is there for others.
There's nothing better than feeling supported.
I want to be someone of my word.
A person of character and integrity.
That makes time for other people.

Having people "be there for you through thick and thin" is one of the best feelings in the world.
I want to pass that feeling on.

K

Just thinking...

I think we all have to come to a point where we realize that we're not the most important person in the world.
Because, I think subconsciously we all believe that we are.
And the most important thing in the world for me could be nothing in your perspective.

But, having said that, I don't think that that should make us do things with any less passion or vigor.
I still have a purpose. I still have a reason for being here.
I guess we just have to realize that everyone has a purpose and a reason for being here, and they're all different.
Which makes it difficult for other people to get stoked about your purpose I guess...
...or maybe not.
Unless they love you to bits.
Then sometimes they're more stoked than you are, because they have an outside view..

hmmm....

K

Journey

I think I'm finally entering into the 'nervous/excited' stage.
Debut concert is tomorrow night.
And I still can't really wrap my mind around it.
But everything is ready, or will be by this evening.
CD's have arrived.
Opening act is ready.
Outfit picked out.
Band is ready.
Stage is being set up.
Lighting.
Sound.
...the list goes on and on....
It's all very surreal, yet exciting all at the same time.


well.. the butterflies are coming.
K

I feel noticed again.

Thank you for your beautiful love.
Thank you for your sacrifice.
Thank you for this freedom.
I feel alive.
I am in love with you Jesus.

You know when you hear a song that makes you stop and just listen to it?
You actually can't multi-task when you're listening to it?
I've found one right now.
Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser.
I think I'm falling in love with her music.
It's so good.

On another note,
I'm ready for this weekend.
I'm ready to meet with you again.
Let your beautiful love seep through every part of my being.
Speak to me again.
Wrap me up in your Holy Spirit.

18. Not quite. Almost.

It's late.
It says 11:20 pm on my computer clock.
That's late for me.
But I'm listening to Catherine Feeny.
She sweetly sings her folk music and I just don't want to turn it off.
I don't want to get up and get ready for bed.
I spent so much time doing things I don't necessarily want to do today that I'm trying to just do nothing right now. If that makes any sense at all.

I'm going to be 18 in two days.
April 5th has a certain ring to it I think.
When my birthday approaches every year, my mom has a special way of getting me excited.
She teases me by saying "Someone's going to have a good birthday!"
I like it.
It's just one of those things that makes every birthday special.
Because isn't the build-up to something generally more epic than the thing itself.
Anyways, my whole fam is going downtown on Sunday to eat at a fancy restaurant and enjoy the town. It's my day.

I want to loosen up a bit.
Let love come and go as it wishes.
I'm almost 18.
My heart is still hidden. It's still being guarded. It's still cherished
But maybe I'll stick my hand out of the moving car and let it ride the wind.
Yea. That sounds good.

K

Prophetic

I feel a genuine tug toward the prophetic and developing that spiritual gifting. We talked about it at cell last night, and even did a bit of practicing. There is something incredibly captivating about encouraging other people by hearing what God wants to say to them.

Beautiful people

I'm back from Honduras.
I find that when you get back home after one of these trips, the whole experience seems so far away. Like it never happened, or like it happened to someone else.

But I know it happened to me, because my heart is invested into it. I can still remember the way I felt, and what I was going through on a day to day basis.
I can't compare the trip to anything else that I've experienced. It was it's own thing.

It stretched me, and pulled me in a lot of different directions. But it was completely worth it.

A little laughter.
A few tears.
A budding romance.
Some tiny fears.

An outlook opened.
Compassion from the heart.
Work completed.
Right from the start.

But this is part of the journey. The journey of discovering myself and discovering the world around me. And I've realized even more that love breaks barriers down. It doesn't distinguish between language, culture, or religion. But it brings you closer together with people you never even knew existed.
All I know is that I am incredibly blessed. I can't forget that. Because I'm slightly embarrassed at all the things that I have.

K

I'm listening to one of the songs on my album as I type. We're almost finished the songs. Dave, my producer is just adding the last touches.
This whole project is so much bigger and greater than I ever thought it was going to be.
It's been a wonderful adventure.

I officially finished all of the things on my list. Yay. Now all I have to do is wait for Monday morning to come. HONDURAS HERE I COME!!

The theme song for Anne of Green Gables is definitely one of the most romantic songs ever. I was playing it on piano earlier today, and it just brings you back to the movie full swing.

Anyways, that's pretty much all I have to say. I'm going to go eat some food.

K

Break.

Yay. I'm on March break.
I am leaving for Honduras on Monday morning.
But I don't really feel like I'm on March Break yet.
There are so many things I have to do before I leave in 3 days.

Math Homework
Book Log 2
Staff Training
Make a list of things to take to Honduras
Pack for Honduras
School of Champions

I don't know. I can't picture myself in Honduras yet.
I think it's going to be a huge culture shock when I actually get there.
I'm hoping that God will show my something new.
I'm expecting this trip to be spectacular. I'm expecting it to stretch me, to make me feel emotionally and physically drained.
I'm on Holiday. Technically.

K

I hate that a number tells me how imperfect I am.
That a percent has the power to provide me with thousands of dollars.
I hate that learning and experience are not what's important anymore but rather a number out of a hundred.
I hate it when teachers tell me to not be so concerned with marks, when the world tells me I need to.
I hate that the reality is, in fact, that marks do matter.
I'm not perfect.
I don't want to be.
But the world has an expectation.
And for this season of my life, that expectation has to matter to me. Because that's just the way the system works.
I hate the system.

I think it's stupid.

K

A New Season

Today, myself, and a group of 20 or so other kids my age have lost someone very dear and near to our hearts. Today was the farewell Sunday service for my youth pastor, Pastor Mark.

I found this news out about a month ago, and these last four weeks at youth have been a combination of fun times and serious times where our youth group has gotten a lot closer. I think goodbye's do that to people.

I don't think I realized how much we're all going to miss Pastor Mark until I went up to say goodbye this afternoon. I had been able to hold back the tears and emotions quite easily during the service, but something just hit me when I realized that I wouldn't be seeing our favourite youth pastor every Friday anymore, and that I wouldn't we hearing all of his corny, yet amazing jokes on a regular basis.
Saying goodbye made me realize how much of an impact Pastor Mark has had on our lives these past few years. He has been such an encouragement to me and to my friends.
I didn't think I was going to cry, but I think we all shared a few tears today.

But I know God has something even greater things in store for this youth ministry. And I just wanted to take the time to bless PM and his family in their new ministry. We're all going to miss you guys a whole lot. And I'm never going to forget how faithful you've been to us, and all the words of truth and encouragement you've spoken into our lives. It's definitely been a journey. And I'm blessed to have been a part of it.

K

I am so tired.
It's that kind of tired where gravity seems to be pulling your body down to the floor.
It's like tired after you've cried a million hours.

And you said that you weren't going to let
anyone get in the way of the plans you have for me.
So, I'm hoping that still stands.
Because, boy do I need that now.

This kind of pressure prevents me from thinking straight. I can't decipher whether I'm actually being treated unfairly, or whether I'm just making excuses.

School is making me tired. I actually can't wait for the weekend.

Anyone and absolutely everyone is invited!

Check out the facebook group "Kirstyn Krause's CD Release Concert."
There will be a live band playing with me on the night of, along with one of my great friends opening the concert with a few songs.
CD's will be on sale for $15 before and after the concert.
If you can't make it to the concert but still want to buy a CD you can email: TheHeart@sympatico.ca
It's going to be a great night.
K

It's coming. Quickly. Too Quickly? Not sure.

So, I officially accepted the offer from Glendon College. I am a student at York, technically. Or will be in the fall.

But, I can't really picture myself yet without the nook, without drama, without the friends that I sit with at lunch.
I can't picture myself without computers lining the hallways, without the 26 minute lunches, without any of that stuff that makes TDCH my high school.

I think when it comes I'll be ready. I'll be ready to move on. But, I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that in 3 more months I'll be out of here.

Miss the most? The teachers. My friends. (Aren't they one and the same after all?)
Won't miss the most? School bus rides, 26 minute lunches.

Sometimes I psych myself out by thinking that I'm in Gr. 12. The way I see myself as a senior, is SO different than how I pictured the Gr. 12's from previous years.

K

There's nothing better than coming home and changing into comfortable clothes. Red plaid pajama pants are my best friend.

Do you ever dream a dream that you end up thinking about that entire day. Definitely happened to me today.

Can someone please tell my why American Idol was not on last night? It just wasn't on! And yesterday was a Tuesday.

Casting for this year's upper-level play in drama was SO much less epic than last year. I'm quite happy with my role though.

I'm officially at one the most exciting times in my life thus far.

I thought I had something intelligent to say in this post. I guess I really don't.

Whatever.

K

Family Day

So, I'm working 5 and a half hours at the pool today. It's alright though because I get time and a half for some of it.

So much for 'Family' day. At least my next pay check will be big. Yay!

I'm out of the lull.
I'm doing better.

What is there really to say?

I'm in such a lull right now. I don't think I've ever had a more boring few days. That, of course, is hyperbole, but you know what I mean.

I'm sleepy. I'm bored. I feel like life is moving in slow motion.
It's funny because, I'm not busy at all, and everyone involved in the play right now (about 90% of my friends from school) is busy out of their minds.

I'm in one of those places again where I just want a hand to hold.
I want a long walk on the shoreline.
I want an arm around the shoulder.
But nobody has shown up yet.
It feels like I'm ready now for something I know is coming a few years from now.
Which probably means that I'm really not ready now.

By the way. I got accepted to Glendon College for the fall semester.
I plan to accept their offer.

K

I'm still waiting for a hand to hold.

This is probably one of my least favourite times of year, in terms of the season.

Christmas is long over, so the novelty of snow is slowly starting to wane.
Now the snow just looks ugly.
It's cold, and it takes forever for spring to show up.

---

So, It's Saturday and I have nothing to do tonight. Sometimes I treasure Saturday nights spent alone, but tonight is desperately calling out for some companionship.
I tried to chill with my brother, but he apparently had already planned to have one of those treasured "alone Saturday nights", which by the way I don't hold against him, because everyone needs one of those every once in a while.

I'm trying to figure out how to spend my lovely weekend hours.
Is anyone else tired of simply renting a movie and making macaroni and cheese? Because I am.

K

Thoughts.

I generally begin most of my blog posts with the word "So".

So, I will probably spend the majority of my lunch time this semester asking Mr. Groot, my math teacher, Calculus questions. I spend my entire morning doing math. I begin the the morning, first period, in the actual class. 2nd period I have a spare, in which I do my calculus homework. And then I go back into Mr. Groot's classroom at lunch time for a few minutes to ask him any questions I had about the homework.

I'm trying to figure out if this really bothers me though. I don't think so. I know that there's something deep inside of me that appreciates, and maybe even likes math. I'm good at it, so why shouldn't I like it, you know? Anyways, it pushes my brain out of it's comfort zone. Sitting around in the commons for lunch is getting boring anyways.

------------------------------

I have a different sense of humour than a lot of my friends. My brother, Jared, and I have realized that most of the time we laugh at the same things. We have the same sense of humour. But some of my friends hold fast to the kind of perverted, sexual humour. And you know what I think about that?

I think it's cheap.
It's incredibly uninteligent, it's rude, and it's uncomfortable.
I want to say, "Come on, like that's never been said before!" All the jokes are the same. And I really have no idea why it's funny.

-----------------------------

I'm realizing that Gr. 12 sets you up for a lower over-all average. You're flying high in Gr. 11 with you're beautiful average, and then Gr. 12 happens, and you have to work your butt off to get an average lower than the average that you got in Gr. 11 (that you didn't have to work hard for).

-----------------------------

So, I'm back in drama. We're in the process of picking the production were going to put on. The class is so huge though, that we'll probably end up doing two plays.
I'm rooting for 'The Importance of Being Earnest' and 'Rumours'. I think...

----------------------------

I have an 'easier' semester. But it's still a whole ton of work.
Sometimes i'm just tired in general.
And sometimes I'm tired of high school.
I'm tired of getting a detention for going to the bathroom.
Whatever.

----------------------------

There are still things that I treasure about Gr. 12 though.

K

-----------------------------

Scam

So, today somebody called our home number.
My mom picked up the phone.
And the man on the other line proceeded to tell us that we had won a number of prizes and that all we needed to do was to pick up what we had won somewhere in Woodbridge at 5pm on Saturday (or something along those lines.)

My mom had to leave the house though, so she couldn't talk to him very long. He said he would call back.

By the time he called back this evening, my mom had looked online and found that this guy was in fact a scam artist.
Sure enough, he called back.
My mom answered the phone and said, "Sir, I know you are a scam. I found you online. If you call us again I will call the police. I know where you are, and I will send them to you"

The other side of the line went quiet, and it changed to speakerphone.
I could hear a lady on the other end quietly saying, "The police?!"
Nobody really said anything for a minute.
My mom said again that she would call the police to put an end to their scamming.

The man on the other end of the line swore at my mom and hung up.

Yup.

K

My heart's not a trophy

New song ideas are cool.
I'm actually writing a lot these days.
I've got three songs in the works.

It seems that God's still giving me stuff about 'The Heart'
Which is also the title of my debut album.

I think I love poetry.
But I simply love it more when it's put to music.

(BTW. The concert is on Saturday April 18th at 7pm in the Commons at TDCH)

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I like 2nd period spare. It feels like I'm being wonderfully rebellious. Having a spare. Which must sound strange.
Yesterday I felt like I should be in class. Doing something.
Only to remember that for 80 min every day I am accountable to no body but myself.
It's great.
Mind you, I'll probably spend 95% of my semester doing Calculus homework in spare.
It's still lovely.

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But seriously, come to the concert.
I'll start officially advertising at the end of February/beginning of March

K

It's the beginning of a new semester.
I have a spare.
I'm in drama.
Bio and Advanced Functions are done.

Life is good.

We'll see how this one goes.
Last one.
It's gonna go fast.

A breath of fresh air.

Please don't get caught up in perfection.
If you were perfect, you wouldn't need me.

I love you.
I love you the way you are.

Believe me when I say that I'm good.
I'm good to you.

Let's take this one day at a time.
You and me together.
Hand in hand.

I feel beautiful...

When I'm dancing during worship.


....

What about you?

I am in a jolly good mood.

It's officially Thursday afternoon.
And I am officially done my exams.

Semester 2 is going to be amazing!

Come June, I'm going to be so proud of myself. Probably more than ever before.

I feel like finally there's some purpose in exams this year. Well, of course.

I don't like study days.

But, I figure that I am SO fortunate to even have study days. To even be able to go to school.

Man.

Come June, I'll have accomplished something huge.

You may not think it's big, but I think that graduating high school is something to be proud of.

Btw. Take a listen to Eric Hutchinson.
He's got some serious tunes going on.

Fond of you.

I guess he's just one of those guys that your heart never really forgets.

January:

• Exams
• Finish Semester 1

March

• Service trip to Honduras

April

• 18th Birthday
• Debut CD release concert
• Freshwind!

May

• Upper Level Drama production

June

• Prom!
• Graduation

July

• Quebec for the Explore program

August

• Youth Camp?

September

• Go to university!

Quite exiting.. I must say

Non-stop

At this time next week I'll be completely done Semester One. It will feel completely liberating, and I'll get to come home and not do any homework for once.

I have one more day of classes left, and I will start writing exams next week.
I don't think I've ever had a busier two weeks of school ever.

The weird thing about it is that I feel like I've done nothing at school all week. My teachers aren't giving a lot of homework, and classes have been relatively easy. However, as soon as I get home, the real work begins and I'm working 3 or 4 hours every night. Last weekend I did over 9 hours of homework/studying/exam prep.

If only we could cut the school day out completely and simply work at home. It would be so much more productive.

Anyways, I'm gonna pull through. We're almost there.
K

So, in retrospect, I probably acted a little bit rash today.

Sometimes I am just so outspoken; when I want to do something. I want to do it now.

It's something I need to work on.

4 more days.

Let me just say

that I am so ready for this semester to be over.

I'm completely exhausted.

5 more days of class

4 exams

and I'll be done.

A tiny little spaz.

So, I am completely fed up with Microsoft Word. Actually, I'm completely fed up with everything Microsoft!

Today I was trying to type up some french vocabulary on a word document. I made sure to change the language default to French so that I wouldn't see a red squiggly line underneath every word.

However, because I was writing the vocabulary in both French and English the stupid computer thought that I wanted to speak English and automatically changed the default language back to English.

And, I have never seen so many stupid "auto correct's" in my life! Don't auto correct things for me computer! I'm smart enough to know what I want to type.

I CANNOT wait for my Macbook. Which I will be buying in the spring.

Good riddance Microsoft!

K

Flirting is selfish

It accomplishes nothing except for a fleeting time of attention.
It thinks only of oneself.
It communicates:

I want attention
I want to see if I can get a reaction out of this person.

It does not communicate clear intentions, and it has the ability to steal a portion of someone else's emotions and heart without commitment to that person

And man, I am a culprit of this.
Time and time again.

But I think it's time I revealed flirting for what it is.

This world has named it as something innocent, insignificant, and fun.
But it's a tool that takes someone's God-given influence and uses it for destruction.

I cherish my heart. I realize that one day I will give it to the man that I marry.
If I value my heart, then I really need to value the hearts of my guy friends.

Women are powerful. They have the ability to build a man up in Godly friendship, and they have the ability to tear one down with flirting and false impressions.

I really want to live a life of purity. And purity is not the "churchy" definition of abstinence.
No, it is a divine commitment to God and to the men in your life to live a life of righteousness, and holiness.

I don't EVER want to be the culprit of stealing a man's heart.
A heart is a gift.

Flirting a little bit to have some fun, without taking my guy friends feelings into account, and without any intention of following through is selfish and misleading.

And I think it creates soul relationships from temporary feelings instead of spirit relationships developed from the blessing of God.

And anything created by the soul won't last, but that which is formed from the spirit of God will last a lifetime.

Having a dream that seems impossible must just mean that it's from God.

I spent the last few days at a conference called "Heavy Rain"

I feel like God's taken my dried up heart, pealed off the outer layer, and let it beat again.
For him.
For the desires of my heart.
For intimacy with him.

I'm excited about 2009.

K