Love in the air? At least for all of you it is.

Life takes on a new perspective when the ones close to you begin dating, having boyfriends/girlfriends, getting married. Friendships inevitably change when a special someone enters the picture.

I guess it just takes me back to those times when us girls sat around the living room laughing, crying, and talking for hours on end about this boy and that guy. At that time, it felt real, right, it was still fresh. But we move on, have new experiences, meet new people.

There was always that excitement for the future (still is), but at the same time there was a warmness that we shared; a camaraderie of the mutual understanding of being single.

We made jokes about being each others bridesmaids - swearing to choose each other as maid of honour.

Several of my close friends have recently entered into romantic relationships. Two of my cousins are getting married this upcoming year. And so should be expected as we all begin to get older. I guess it just sneaks up on you. I feel as though these next few years are gonna fly by all the same, and that sneaking up will probably become a whirlwind.

I have my whole life ahead of me. Love my be in the air for several of those that I love, but it seems a bit more than a hop, skip and a step away from me. How do I know? Just a feeling. Doesn't mean there isn't that anticipation that bubbles up in my heart every so often.

K

Ready to dream again?

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3

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There's something about these few verses that strike a cord somewhere in my heart. In the verses before this passage, Paul is speaking about how he has forsaken all other gains so that he can know Christ to the point of understanding his death, his resurrection, and his suffering. He's laid down everything in his life that's important for him, knowing that none of it is as important as what he can find in Christ.

I often find it difficult to understand Paul's unadulterated passionate sacrifice of everything he is to define himself as a follower and apostle of Jesus Christ. His whole life is about furthering the kingdom of God. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be able to be at that spot. But, I'd be lying if I said that I don't hold a lot of other things closer to me than I should; giving them more weighting and importance than they deserve.

I feel that often we feel that abandoning our lives to Christ means giving something up. It means giving up dreams, letting go of a certain relationship that's become comfortable, changing future plans to adopt something daunting and unsure. And we expect that doing that will leave us with less than we started. But, with Jesus it's just the opposite.

"I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me" -
It's that line that gets me everytime. Giving up myself in order to serve Jesus doesn't mean I'm losing something. It means I'm gaining so much more than I ever imagined. Giving up my so-called "perfect plans" because God has taken hold of me, and now I am to take hold of what he has stored away for me. That is adventure. That is exciting.

Even when I find myself in a purpose filled season in my life, it's crazy how those plans and dreams become less about his faithfulness, and will for my life, and so much more about me. I become selfish. It as if, the world revolves around me and what I'm doing at that point in time. Instead of, "I'm studying psychology because I feel that God has called me into that area", it becomes this rat-race of doing whatever I can to pursue that dream, regardless of other people, regardless of other goals. And I focus my attention on psychology (or any other aspiration I have), instead of keeping my gaze focused on Jesus - the One that's supposed to be leading me through the journey.

I should be pressing on - constantly focused on the One that got me this far in the first place, instead of pushing my way through day after day to finish something a goal that's become all about me.

This goes for anything in my life:
Music, songwriting, Psych, French, relationships.

What good are those God-inspired dreams anyways, if God's no longer the one inspiring you to keep going? Nothing.

I think it's in the letting go, that we get to that place. It's the trusting that is the hard part.
But I know in my heart, that what is in in God's heart for me, is what I want more than anything in this world.

K

Just a head's up.

I think I'm gonna start writing again soon. (Here I mean).

I'm just about to come out of the busiest semester of my life. I feel like I haven't stopped since midterms. (Which would explain the lack of posts)

I've finished 4 of my 6 exams. Have one more this afternoon, and one this upcoming Friday. I've handed in two papers, and gone to staff training. (All in the past week). I know. Crazy.

Anyways, be on the lookout. I feel like I'll have a few things to say in the new year (or maybe sooner!)

K

Exploring at the Uxbridge Fair

I spent the good part of my afternoon at the Uxbridge fair yesterday. I was actually there to support my good friend in his first ever demolition derby. If you've read my previous post, you will now know that yesterday's derby was my second in the span of two weeks and subsequently my entire life.

Now, you need to know that the Demolition Derby in uxbridge is serious stuff. People show up hours in advance to save spots by attaching their blankets to the benches and bleachers with duct tape. Therefore, wanting good seats, my friends and I showed up several hours early, which gave us some time to spare.

I ended up walking around the fair grounds with my friend Nina and 2 adorable 4 year old twin brothers (the sons of another couple we knew at the fair). And so we explored together, hand in hand. We walked over to the dunk tank and threw some hard balls at that little red dot that, when pushed, gets a shivering man wet all over again. :) We strolled past the carnival rides and Aden explained to me how one of the rides (which looked exactly like a spider) scared him because it went too high. Our adventure continued by staring longingly at the multi-coloured lollipops at the concession stand and poking our noses into the cages at the petting zoo.

The hour or so that we spent together was so enjoyable simply because it helped me see the fair through the eyes of a little child again. To remember what its like to be little. To forget about life for a while and just enjoy the sights and sounds around us.





All pictures taken by my brother Jared, who followed us around in our wonderful adventure. Check out his photos on flickr!

Demolition Derby

I spent my Sunday afternoon with some good friends painting a derby car for an upcoming demolition car derby this Saturday evening. Don't worry, it is not me that will be participating in this so called 'car fight', but rather a good friend of mine. (I'm slightly concerned for his health and safety) ;)

I say this in the best possible way, but I don't think we could have been more 'hick' if we tried to be. There I am, out in the middle of Uxbridge, dressed in an old t-shirt, shorts, and leggings slopping paint onto a transformed derby car. That evening, after the car had been turned into an art masterpiece, my friends and I made our way to my first demolition derby at the nearby fair in Parry Sound. Of course. We settled in on the bleachers; junkfood in hand and ferris wheel turning behind us, to watch dozens of men (young and old) climb into souped-up cars ready to smash the guts out of eachother. Wheels torn off, billows of smoke rose from broken radiators, the back-end of vehicles smashed up like a pop cans ready to be thrown out, mud flying everywhere, and a full audience watching in anticipation of the winner.

And in fact, I found the entire experience incredibly educational. I really know absolutely nothing about cars, but just from going to that derby and hearing the words I feel a whole lot smarter. Piston, 6 cylinder, radiator, front wheel drive. Look how much I know now! I learned a whole lot more about cars last Sunday that I have ever before, that's for sure (Which really doesn't say a lot.. but still)

I fully enjoyed myself. It was peaceful out in the country, painting a friend's car. The companionship, the laughs, the steady work, the "hick"-ness of it all made for a really rewarding day. We all need a little bit of that in our lives. It reminded me a bit of my summer in Quebec. A lot of things remind me of my summer in Québec. But that of course is another story.

I'm really looking forward to Saturday.

Photo Credit: Jared Krause - Check out his sweet photo blog!!

I'm back.

I've been gone for quite some time. But I'm back from Québec, and more bilingual than I was when I left.

One of the things I love about leaving home is that being away gives you a sense of freedom and independence you'd never find from your hometown backyard. When you leave home for a period of time, you learn how to trust God with even the smallest of situations. You feel adventurous, and crazy, and beautiful. You feel courageous, and carefree. And at times, you feel homesick, and unsure, and frustrated. But in the end, the positive always outweighs the negative. I never knew feelings could be so tangible. I don't think it's possible to leave and come back the same person. But I think that that's a good thing.

I learned a lot about myself this summer. Or we could say that God taught me a lot of stuff about myself this summer.

So, I'm back. I don't know how often I'll be writing - that will sort itself out as I begin my second year and begin to understand how heavy the workload will be.

But just thought I'd let you know that I'm definitely still alive. Probably quite different from 2 months ago, but still ready to take on the world just the same.

K

Dancing is good for me. Especially in my room, listening to worship. It's freeing.

I feel the utmost freedom to go now. To Quebec I mean. For a time, nothing is holding me here. Liberty to experience something new. Maybe this newfound feeling - given from God no doubt - is why I'm finding such a reason to dance.

K
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La danse, c'est bien pour moi. Surtout dans ma chambre en écoutant les chansons de louange. C'est un affranchissement.

Je me sens la liberté de partir maintenant. Je veux dire au Québec. Pour une saison, rien ne me retient ici. J'ai la liberté de faire un nouveau expérience. Ce dernier sentiment, que Dieu m'a donné sans doute, peutêtre est-il pourquoi je trouve une telle raison de danser.

K

20 Days Till I leave for Quebec!

Don't ask me how the time has passed so quickly, because I don't have an answer for you.
But, while glancing at my calendar today, I realized that it is just under 3 weeks before I take off for Rollet, Québec - 7 hours north of here.

My feelings on this? Excitement, nervousness, anticipation?
One of my good friends and I were having a conversation a few weeks ago about my upcoming trip to Quebec. She's been living in Australia for the past year and a half attending the Hillsong school - So I felt like my situation resonated with her on a deeper level. We're both leaving home (albeit me for a shorter time), we're both leaving an amazing group of young adults that we've come to cherish, we're leaving the comfort of routine. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to stay right where I am. I could keep working during the week, keep hanging out with friends on the weekends. And it would be comfortable. It would be what I know. It would be simple.

But it wouldn't be what or where God has called me to.
What's easy is not always what is best.
So, I am ready for this next season in my life. I'm ready to learn, and explore, and meet new people. I'm ready to break free from routine.
Bring it on.

K

The midnight hour.

It's always late at night when my mind whirls around like a spinning ride at the county fair. Thoughts rush in and around until I can't separate one from the other. Somehow I'm so much more pensive in the night. I need a wind-down time. A time for my mind to just work through all the thoughts.

I've tried coming home from a late night shift at Second Cup and hopping in my bed straight away. Might as well forget about it. I need time to slow down. To work through those thoughts that seem insignificant, because sometimes they're significant enough to keep me up for a few extra minutes.

So, I read a book, or look aimlessly at facebook pictures, or I pray, or read my bible, or I eat, or I just sit there on my bed with my bedside lamp on. And after a few minutes, I can shut the light off, close my eyes and drift off into a beautiful sleep.

Good night. Sleep well,

Kirstyn.

Listening to: Haley

Needtobreathe has never failed to describe exactly the way that I feel. Still my favourite band? Oh yea.

The days are starting to blend together. One after the other.
These are just a few things I am LOVING about my wonderful summer vacation:

Yummy healthy trail mix
Peanutbutter and honey
No homework
Making cappuccinos
Weekends
NCC young adults
Reading my french book, Plein Ciel
Wearing shorts and flip flops
Sitting out in the sun
Sleeping in
Preparing for the 1body event this SATURDAY!!! (Be there)

Life's pretty peachy...

I'm not really sure what to write about anymore.

1 Body of Christ Event

For those of you who don't know. I am leading worship at an upandcoming young adults event happening at Maranatha CRC church in woodbridge on June 5th. The event, 1BODYofChrist, has the purpose of getting a large group of young adults from all different Christian backgrounds and denominations together for a time of worship and creative expression. I've been preparing, praying and practicing a lot these past few weeks, and I'm really excited for what God's going to do.
For more information you can check out: http://1bodyofchrist.wordpress.com/

The Evening Shift

I don't really mind working in the evening at Second Cup - which seems to the shift that I end up getting the most of.

It's generally quieter and the tips aren't as good, but in the same way it's relaxing.
I also get the entire day off until 6pm to do whatever I want at home.
I'd say its a positive environment.

Second Cup German.

I've noticed over the past two weeks working at Second cup that there are regulars: People that come in every day and order the same thing. Most of the time, the baristas know exactly what to prepare without even hearing a word from the customer. There's one customer that has a custom drink not even on the menu - called a Luigi! However, if you're new like me, sometimes we have to do a little staring match at the cash register before they realize that I'm new and cannot read their minds and before I realize that they're a regular.

This afternoon for example, a man with a heavy accent comes into the shop that I recognize as one of these so-called regulars, but I can't, for the life of me, remember what he ordered last time. I let him know that I've forgotten - adding on to the end of my sentence the fact that I'm still new.

He proceeded to smile and tell me his order, while also asking me my name. (I guess he figures if I'm going to make him a drink from memory, my name is a must). Our conversation proceeded like this:

That's a german name! he says to me.
Yes, it is. My last name is even more so. Krause (said with proper accent). I respond
Sprechen-sie Deutsch?
Ein bisschen. I understand more than I can speak.

He continued to ask me a few questions - both in German and in English - and I struggled to pull the little bit of German I know from the recesses of my brain. Tom, my co-worker served him his double espresso, while I bagged his oatmeal raisin cookie. The man continued to rattle off several questions to me. He even walked over to my boss and told her that we were speaking German. (More like him speaking, me failing).

Before he left the store he said,

Dankeshön Kirstyn.
Bitteshön.

This simple interaction brought a huge smile to my face. Knowing that I'd now made a connection with one of the regulars. This in and of itself made today's shift a successful one.

Trust will be your light tonight - So close your eyes.

Title inspired by a new band I have recently discovered, ok nay - that my brother discovered and then shared with me. It's called Future of Forestry. And it's pretty much amazing, I would recommend it to all y'alls.

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On another note, Summer vacation is well on its way, despite the chilly weather. I went for a walk this morning and was surprised at the biting wind.

My days are composed of work (either at the pool or at Second Cup) as well as what I call French Time. Well, I don't actually call it that, but I figured it needed a name for the purpose of this post. French Time is basically just the time I try to spend every day either learning some new lifeguarding vocab for my summer camp job, reading my french novel Plein Ciel, or watching the news in French. Go ahead and make fun, but I love it.

I also have been spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, and planning a Worship Night that I'm sure you guys will hear about soon enough.

Sometimes I get frustrated when work hinders me from meeting up with people I love, but I figure that's just life. Friends just have to wait sometimes until the shift ends. (I wish it were the other way around.)

That's all.

K

Hates Spam Comments!

I log onto my dashboard today and see that I have 3 new comments that need to be published. (I always screen my comments before they show up on my page).

This screening has served me well considering that all 3 of the comments were spam! WORST!

Man I hate that.

K

Baking Extravaganza

Häfe Kranz is one of my family's favourite desserts. Traditionally, it's a sweet german almond bread, however over the years it has been adapted into a sweet bread filled to the max with raisins and chocolate chips. I'm not quite sure what happened to the almonds. They got lost somewhere in translation.

Anyways,

I had a bit of free time on my hands this weekend and thought that I'd take on the challenge of making one of these beauties. I first took on this challenge about two years ago, however the one I made this weekend tops the last one by a mile.

I took some pictures so you can see what a whiz I am in the kitchen. Please keep the drool to a minimum. I know you want a piece.

I am a working girl, I get things done.

I officially started my job at Second Cup today. It was a three hour training shift where I learned how to use the lovely touch screen cash registers, along with learning how to make you a cup of delicious coffee, or tea. My heart rate must have gone up a few notches during the shift, as I frantically tried to remember all of the buttons to press on that small screen. It's pretty straight forward, but it's difficult when you're dealing with real people who would like their coffee right.
There were several times where I fumbled up, only to apologize with a sheepish grin and explain "I'm in training, today's my first day." I must say that everyone was incredibly understanding. I've discovered that listening to what the customer wants is key. It's gets difficult when they order 3 or 4 different things, and all of them have different modifications - skim, no whip, extra hot.

I'm assuming I'll work a few more weeks before they even get me started on the barista machine - making lattes and cappuccinos and espresso, which by the way, looks about 15 times harder than pressing a button down on a pot of coffee.

All in all, it was a successful shift.
I now have 2 jobs. One at the pool, and one at a coffee shop. I'm blessed.

K


*In reference to the title, you may just want to check out NEWWORLDSON band

Flowers

As I told you before, my mom bought me a beautiful bouquet of tulips on my birthday. They sat in my room for over a week, and I admired their beauty every day.

I think the reason why I love the idea of receiving flowers is the simple fact that they don't last forever. Therein lies their value. They're precious because they can only be admired so long before they fade. You need to make time to care for them, to smell their scent, take in their sweetness. They don't wait for you to do so, and if you wait too long, you've missed out.

They can't be taken for granted.

Birthday.

Last year on this day I was invited to Glendon for the Spring Gala and for the Scholar's breakfast. I sat at a table with the dean of Glendon college and ate breakfast with him and a room full of other potential Glendon students.

I was taken on a tour of the school and I remember how much I anticipated going to Glendon.

I remember what also accompanied the day: My 18th birthday, dinner with the family, The Sound of Music downtown, getting accepted to Explore.

I can't believe how quickly the year has passed. Here I am again. On my birthday. I spent several hours studying for my psych exam. I had lunch with the pops at Panara. My mom bought me tulips. I got many birthday wishes. Got to blow out birthday candles. Not to mention that the weather was gorgeous! I don't think I've ever had weather like this before for my birthday.

And as soon as I finish my exam on Wednesday and hand in my paper, I'll be ushering in a weekend full of partying, shopping, and celebrating.

I'm really looking forward to the summer, for many diverse reasons.

K

It's definitely spring.

I Need to change my blog picture.

Now.

When I end up taking a break from my studies, I find that my mind wanders every which way.
Sometimes I end up here, but for the past while I haven't find much to write about.
A lack of inspiration?
Maybe.
What is it that you want?
Are you really interested to hear what's going on in my life?
Dunno.
Well, if you are: Here's a quick summary.

I have 2 tests tomorrow morning, one more paper, and an exam on April 7th and then I'm done. Completely done my first year of University. Was it all we made it out to be in the beginning? No. Do I struggle sometimes to find my own way. Yes.

I won a songwriting competition. The Earth Hour Woodbridge one. They presented me with a hefty cheque worth 200 big ones, and had me up on stage last Saturday evening to sing my award winning tune. This of course happened on the same night as my second gospel choir concert. So after the concert I rushed off to woodbridge to sing. I also sang one of the greatest and funnest solos of all time on the show on Friday night. I love that no body expects a short white girl to come out and sing a huge gospel solo. I can hold my ground quite well though. You'd be surprised.

How's work you ask? Fine. However, I've never known people could come up with such vulgar speech before in my life. One of my coworkers told me I could come to work with earmuffs if I didn't like it. Maybe I will, I think to myself.

Plans for the summer? Yup. Planning on going back to Quebec to work at a summer camp. Still waiting to hear back though.

I'm turning 19 next Monday. 2 days before my final paper and Psych exam. Guess what I'll be doing. Studying. The following weekend though I'll be going shopping with Mom and hanging out with friends.

So there you have it. If there was anyone that wanted whatever it was anyway.

K

Nothing Box

I wish I had one.

Little patches of sunshine.

I just couldn't take being cooped up inside on such a beautiful day. Especially when they've predicted snow for this upcoming Monday.

It's strange that it is only on these early spring days that we cherish the warmth and sunlight that comes with the new season.
In the winter we let the days pass quickly. And they do with their short-lived hours of precious sunlight.
In the summer we take for granted the heat that comes on a beautiful July afternoon.

But it's these warm March days that tempt us with the approaching warm summer days. We strive to enjoy them, knowing that it's only a matter of time before the last wave of cold leaves its deposit of snow on our frosted lawns in the morning.

Anyways, I decided to take advantage of the sunshine - So I grabbed my macbook (Oh how I love the portable computer generation), some french homework, and set myself up on the front patio.

I love the springtime.

K

Wrap it up...

How is it possible that I've already reached the last month of classes in my first year at University.

My last exam is scheduled for the 7th of April, and after that I'll be free from the endless clutter of textbooks and binders that take up space on my work desk, much to the relief of my mother which promises she will kick me out of this room (in that I'll-love-you-forever way) if I don't clean up.

What have I learned this year?

Autonomy - I'm just another student trying to make my way. Trying to get a degree. Trying to pursue my "dream". It's a whole lot harder to make friends and keep them. No more small Christian high school where everyone knows you and lovingly encourages your passions and talents. In a way, I enjoy this feeling of being autonomous. I can start fresh. On the other hand, starting fresh can be lonely.

Capability - I can still get the grades. I still work my butt off, but my overall average didn't drop the 20% that most people told me it would.

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When I visited my high school about a month ago and talked to my old english prof, he asked me if my current university and program was everything I ever dreamed it would be and more.
I replied ... "Nothings is ever everything we dream it to be. But I'm still enjoying myself."

And that was an honest statement. However, that doesn't mean that sometimes I wish I could just shove the books aside and stop studying. That doesn't mean that I don't miss my old friends, and wish for the comfortable little box that high school provided me with.
That doesn't mean that I don't struggle to figure out what God's doing in my life, and through my life.

But overall,
I enjoy my classes. My campus is beautiful. I've met some really interesting people. I have a great scholarship. 3 day weeks are amazing. And I've got some pretty big dreams for the future.

I'm blessed beyond belief.
Can't complain.

K

As I got off the TTC bus yesterday at my University campus and made my way down the path toward my morning class, I had the first glimmer of hope that spring really is coming.

Now, I know it's still too early to tell. In fact, we'll probably have another snow storm in no time.
However, yesterday the sun was shining unashamedly. The air was warmer than usual, and I soaked up the much needed light.

My brother and I have been pining away for summer. He told me this morning that he thinks it'll just start getting warmer from here on in. I don't believe him, although I want to.

Who knows.
All I know is that I'm tired of the cold.

K

Reading Week To-Do List

Write 2500 word paper

Listen to 'Le fait du jour' on rfi.ca every day

Study for Communication, Health, and Enviro. test

See AVATAR

Practice parallel parking

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Was I successful? Yeeap.

February for me has always been a pretty blah month.
Nothing too much to be excited about.

Except for the Olympics! Yay.

I thought Thursdays were the New Mondays. I was wrong.

Oh Monday,

I try so very very hard to keep a positive outlook when you come creeping around the corner after the bliss of Sunday evening has passed.
I do. I do try consciously to be optimistic.
I face you head on and say:

You can't bring me down.
I am capable of conquering you!

But sometimes, not every week, but occasionally, after a day of bureaucratic French studies at University, and 9-12 year old children who don't listen to you in the pool, and a psych exam you wish would just go ahead and be over already, I can only lie my head down on my pillow and give a sigh of relief thinking:

At least I don't have to do this again for 7 days.

K

Right where I want you.

I've been feeling lately that I really do not have much to talk about.
Someone will ask me how I am, and I respond with fine, busy, or tired. Those answers sound like cop-outs, and I find myself searching my brain to try and come up with a better answer. I come up blank.

There really is nothing much going on. I go to school, I study, I finish work and assignments.
I go to the pool on Mondays and Thursdays to work, and I spend my weekends seeing some friends when lucky.
I'm still writing songs - when I have time.
But, I even find myself with a lack of time for doing that.

I need to spend less time in front of the TV.

Sometimes I wonder to God. I say to Him, Where are you taking me? What's your plan? What's next? I tell Him that I have no idea.
Sometimes I feel that that's exactly where He wants me.
That in these times of transition is when He's speaking to me the clearest.
I'll hear him at the most unexpected times.
Where do you find your identity when life is in the shadows?

Because it's now more than ever, In the foggy land of my future that I just need to wait. Wait on Him...

So, you can ask me how I'm doing. And I really won't know how to answer you right now. But, I still know that He's at work. In His mysterious and loving way.

I'm excellent.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. - Collosians 3:23.

This verse gives me so much purpose and drive. It's so easy for motivation to slip away when you have a really bad prof, or a boss that's mad at you. It's easy to grumble about life when you have piles of homework to finish, and when life's cares are weighing down on you.

But, to work at something with all your heart, not only working hard at it, but excelling at it for God. To bring Glory to him.

Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive. - Titus 2: 9-10

If we live a life that's completely mundane - if we aren't excelling at anything, it we aren't trustworthy and hard-working, why would anyone that doesn't know Jesus ever want to live like us and know him too?

I feel like we're stuck in a societal norm that tells us to be mediocre - You're normal if you get average grades, have a decent job, make some friends, and get by in life by having a good time.

But, I feel like there is so much more, that as followers of Christ we're called to lives that are excellent: lives filled with purpose and direction, favour and dreams.

----

Church was so good tonight.

K

All by myself.

Lonely. It's defined as being without company, not frequented by human beings, sad from being alone.

And, while on the surface that definition may seem to be correct, I don't know if I fully agree.

Because I've been with great groups of people before, and still felt this so called feeling of being alone. I've also been by myself for long periods of time and felt completely comfortable. So what is it really? Because I know we've all felt it at one point in time. Is it really about being by yourself? Being without friends? Without companionship?

For me, lonely is more than being without company.

Lonely is missing someone you care about a lot. And It may not even be that that someone is geographically far away from you. It may just be that they've changed, or you've changed, and you're missing what used to be.

Lonely is needing a hug, or someone to talk to.

It's realizing that everyone is pursing a different dream, living a different life - moving down a path that is in the opposite direction of your path.

Lonely is the transitional period that comes with change.

And sometimes lonely can show up even when you're in a room full of people.

For me, lonely has nothing at all to do with the actual state of being alone. It's more about missing the ones that you love, and hoping that they too, are missing you.

K

Drafts...

January 18, 2010

Good morning Monday.
You're gray today. Solemn and moody. Quiet.

I'd sleep you away If I could. But life goes on, without stopping to ask if you need a day to rest.

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January 9, 2010

I've spent my entire weekend holed up in my house, finishing homework, watching T.V., reading my book, and playing some music. That pretty much sums it up.

This is after me trying to set up some interesting plans for at least some of my 4 day weekend. In the end, I had absolutely no luck.

It's difficult to keep up long-distant friendship. I don't even think it has anything to do with the physical distance (although that does make it more difficult). It's more about the frequency that you see the person.

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December 25, 2009

I sit here, staring at the blank computer screen, wondering what I should write down.

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December 18, 2009
The life of a university student is not glamorous, especially if you're a keener.

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December 14, 2009

I just need to stop thinking.
And then I'll be great.

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December 5, 2009

I know.

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Yea, so those are most of the drafts that I've started and never finished and decided not to publish.

But for lack of creativity, and for the comment on my last post. Here they are. Enjoy.

K

Good morning Monday.

Yet another blog post saved into my drafts.

Thoughts.

I always knew there would be concepts and ideas that I'd come across in my study of psychology that would contradict what I believe. I came across that this week in my lecture hall.

I'm taking up piano again - Gr. 9, I'm not working towards finishing it, or taking the exam. I just got the book and am learning some songs in it when I find the time.

I spend my Thursdays in my room doing homework. All day.

Sometimes I fell like I go and go and go and go and don't have time to just stop and take a day off.

There are so many things that I want to do, and I don't have time to do all of them. I hate that.

But I still feel like I'm pursuing something worthwhile - that I'm following my dreams. So, overall I'm good. Tired. But good.

Kirstyn.

Nooma

Yesterday I was wasting time on Youtube when I discovered that people have nothing better to do than make videos about Rob Bell videos - that and calling him a heretic.

Which I think is funny, and slightly sad. Considering that most of them take what he says out of context to mean something completely different.

I actually find Rob Bell quite intelligent, and have enjoyed some of his written/video material.

So there.

K