Germany

Sometimes I miss all of you terribly.
The smallest of things will set off a million wonderful memories.
I never even knew I was making a memory until now; until I realize I want so desperately to be back there with everyone laughing, and staying up late talking.
I don't want to forget what it felt like being there.
Because I've never felt so alive before.
I won't, because I can't, because I will not forget what it felt like to fly.
When will I see you again?
Do you guys miss me too? Or has life gone on.
I hope maybe we'll have some more magic next summer.
Sometimes I miss all of you terribly

Dancing; It's food for the soul

Some songs, when you hear them you just want to get up and dance. It's like you can't help but tap your foot, bob your head, or snap your fingers. It's like the song is calling you. It's almost as if that by not dancing your denying some internal yearning that says, "Man, I want to dance!"

I love to dance. I can't by any means actually dance. But you know what? I'm glad I can't. Because it feels more free. It doesn't matter if I don't get the moves right, and it doesn't matter I you look stupid doing it because that's not the point. The point is that I'm dancing. I'm having some serious fun. Dancing; It's food for the soul.

My Christian School

Most of the time its just that people don't understand where I'm coming from. I'm a pretty open person, and I don't hold back much of who I am. I like to be true and real. But sometimes its as if no matter how much I explain what I mean or what I believe people look at me weird. They consider me a extremist, or someone that takes things just a tad too seriously.

The number of people who COMPLETELY understand me, inside and out, can be counted with the 10 fingers on my hands. Which is probably why I've learned to withhold personal, theological, or deeply spiritual matters from most people. So I suppose you could say that I'm not being 100% myself 100% of the time. And that's where we get back to the fact that people don't understand me.

If I can be completely honest with you I feel most misunderstood at my school. I go to a Christian school, but even in the midst of the Christian atmosphere I still feel like I'm on a completely different page spiritually.

• Why at my Christian school is the bible looked on as "boring"

• Why at my Christian school is Worship Team close to the bottom of the priority list

• Why at my Christian school is prayer group considered totally lame, and why are we praying in a room at the back corner hidden away from the rest of the school?

• Why at my Christian school is Youth Group the last place you want to spend your time?

• Why at my Christian school do people dislike Church?

• Why is Harry Potter OK, but The Left Behind Series is not?

• Why at my Christian school was "See you at the pole" not even planned while other Public schools in the G.T.A. have been getting their Christian students together for some serious praying?

These are basically just some questions I have because I am totally confused sometimes.

"Draw Near" - John Reuban

when all vanishes and I stand in this place to face the truth for what it is/
with no human escape to hide behind just my soul 'n God and I find it mind blowing knowing that humanity and a mere mortal like me/
can have my slate cleaned of mistakes and the chance to put on immortality/
even though darkness has hardened us in deception and spoken otherwise/
man I refuse to take in that nonsense and I refuse to buy into these lies/
these lies of pain, these lies of shame, these lies of complete dysfunction/
this lie of hopelessness that will make a person feel like they're nothin'/
this lie that will make me feel like my struggle is one too much to fix'n/
isn't that what darkness wants for me? to play the role of a victim?/
but I'm a child of light no longer bound by slavery/
I say oh death where is your sting/
and oh hades where is your victory?

Maybe it's just me, but I find it incredibly hard to believe something when I don't know the reason for believing it. When a student doesn't understand something in school, does that student just sit there mindlessly and accept what's being taught without questioning it? No, the student is going to say "Sir, Maam, I don't understand that! Please explain it to me."

I think that this should also be the case when it comes to faith. How can one believe in God and not know why they believe in God? How can one follow rules without knowing why those rules are kept, and what the reasoning behind it is?

I think its natural, and in fact essential for everybody to question what they believe at one point in time. By this, I do not mean at all that one should turn their back on what they believe, but there comes a time in everybody's life where they have to own their faith and their beliefs. No longer is it the parent's or friend's responsibility, no it is the sole responsibility of yourself to believe what you believe.

Sometimes I feel like we're brainwashed in the church to do things a certain way, and follow certain rules that nobody knows the meaning of. Sure rules are good, but only if you know the sole purpose of them. And if you don't know the purpose of them, then question, ask, but don't just stand by and accept it.

It must get awfully boring having a faith that isn't personal, and tangible. God longs to have personal relationship with us. One shouldn't follow rules simply because "that's the way its always been done" but because it brings us closer to God.

Following mindless rules without knowing the reasoning behind them is NOT the point of FAITH. Sometimes rules change.

God wants real relationship with you. Remember that first. For that is the real point.

Something worth waiting for

Becoming Jane

*This may spoil the movie for those of you who haven't seen it and still want to*

So today felt like the perfect movie day. It's a cool, fall, Saturday afternoon and so my mom and I headed out to see the latest romantic drama "Becoming Jane". It was this movie that made me contemplate the saying "It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved before." Is it true, or would it really be better to spare yourself the heartache? I don't know if I could have done it, if I could have been so noble as to put Tom (Jane's lover) and his family over my love for him. Could I walk away like she had?

I guess it makes me thankful to live in the present. In these days, when you love someone, you marry them. You don't have to be rich, or in the right family in order to be successful. In those days you were born into success. You couldn't work yourself up, and there was no middle ground. So what of poverty stricken couples in love? Is tragedy all that was ever to become of their relationships?

Jane never married again, and neither did her sister. I think the actors did a wonderful job of showing the desire for companionship in the other. Especially when meeting again. There was that air of regret, of what could have been, but never would have been.

The perfect way to describe "Becoming Jane" would be "Tragically Romantic"

I am totally and completely exhausted. I've had basketball practice after school now for two days in a row. On top of that I guess it's just homework, and learning, and seeing everyone again that is making me so tired. And possibly getting up at 6:50 every morning. But I'm rambling. It's hard getting back into the swing of things, but it feels good at the same time. It feels like every day I get one step closer to accomplishing so many goals that I've set for myself this year. Every day contributes, and every minute of hard work will pay off in the end. I guess I'm being overly optimistic, but that's a good thing right? Don't rain on my parade. Anyways, I'm doing pretty good, in spite of being tired.

Enough of Code, let's be real.
Don't read between the lines.
This time I will not fail.

I wasn't going to post anything today, but I checked out my "People visiting my blog" map and found another red dot had appeared on it. So it encouraged me.

Today at School felt like I was finally get the hang of things again. Sure, I miss the summer, but life goes on. I made a promise to myself after Germany to enjoy life day by day. I find that if you don't, then you end up missing out on other cool experiences that come across your path because you're too busy wishing to be in another place at another time.

Anyways, today was a good day. I got a long, good, sleep last night. I understood the lesson in Gr. 11 U math. I made scones to accompany the jam that my good friend brought me from her vacation in England, and I finished reading a good book. Now, some of you may not think that that is anything spectacular, but I'd classify it as a good day.

Gr. 11. It's crazy that I'm already in Gr. 11 because I can still remember my first day of Gr. 9. Getting on the Bus, and thinking I was so cool. To think that I'm a Senior student already (Sophomore if you're reading from the states), is just crazy. Time goes so fast.

I've figured out that this year will be a good year if I want it to be. People don't realize that attitude and being positive has SO much to do with how your day turns out. Honestly it does. Let's see what God's gonna do in my life this year.

Kirstyn

Drama

What is it with the excessive amounts of drama in teenage life these days? Now, I don't mean drama as in putting on a play, or memorizing lines, I'm talking about full out soap opera. Do we not have enough to deal with already? I mean, between dealing with homework, friends, sports, and other extra curricular activities is there really any more space and time for somebody else to lump their problems onto your already busy life? I think not. My life is void of this so called "drama" and honestly, that makes me pretty darn happy.

Sluggish

I feel so sluggish today. It's one of those days where you have nothing to do, and even when you feel like you do have something to do, you don't want to do it. The hours tick by slowly, and you normally just end up with the TV turned on, watching pointless half an hour sitcoms waiting for something interesting to happen. It's incredibly lazy, and incredibly laid back. I don't like it.

Maybe it's because school is starting tomorrow. I can't seem to get over the fact that the summer went by pretty darn fast. I guess I don't really know what to expect from this year. I'm trying to get excited, but honestly right now I'm just not. This last day of summer vacation is always like this. You're on the in-between. You realize summer is coming to a close, and that a new chapter is starting in your life. Is it good, is it bad? You just simply don't know.

Normally I'm excited by this time. I'm ready to start school again, I'm ready for new things that are going to come my way. But this year I just don't feel it. I'm just not getting into the of anticipation and eagerness that comes when September starts. Oh well, I'll let you know how I'm doing.

Kirstyn

Flying = Freedom = Real

Standing at the top of a castle
Learning a new language
Painting your nails black
Watching the waves on a beach at sundown
Dancing even when you know you can't
Learning how to drive
Meeting new friends
Crying
Doodling
Saying Goodbye

These things all have something in common for me.