Thousands in the red, and it doesn't stop me.

So, I asked God if He can compete with $200 000 today.

Compete is the wrong word though. As if He EVER has to compete.

I should have asked, "So God, what do you have next for me?"

Money, or lack there of, can't stop him.

Stop calling me names.

Who says that just because I find that I'm good at one specific thing that I have to pursue that 100%. Who says that that has to be my one specific calling.

I can do whatever the heck I want with my life.

Who says that I can't combine them all.

Don't put a box around me.

Someone subtly told me that people with great talent also have great responsibility. It ticked me off. The compliment turned into expectation.

The show was a thrill.
It's over now.
That's the thing with the theater,
you put so much work into it and then it ends so quickly.

Was it worth it you ask?
Definitely.

I don't think anything is worth doing unless you give it you're all.
How then will you ever discover your potential?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's hard to say no to someone you respect so much.
It's easy for someone you don't like.
It's important to take care of your heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's hard that its done.
But I'm ok with change.
Life goes on.
Good things go, good things come.
It's about enjoying every minute, reveling in it, and then when its over, it's over.

My heart is burning with passion

Maybe it's just me, but generally I like to believe that it's not.

We all have times during our lives where God is trying to teach us something. Where He's trying to speak to us, stretch us, and make us more into the daughter or son that He wants us to be.

I'm DEFINATELY in one of those phases.

I just have no idea where He's going to take me yet. Which is generally the story of faith.

--

I don't understand unconditional love. I believe in it. I know that Jesus loves me unconditionally. It's a beautiful thing. But I can't comprehend it.

When I first got cast as Nina in 'The Seagull' I felt like I had nothing in common with her. It felt like Her and I were completely different in every way. Which was an exciting challenge.

Now, after taking on that challenge I am seeing that Her and I are incredibly similar.
It took me a while to realize, but The Seagull is all about this unconditional love that I am trying so hard to understand. I see Jesus written all over the show. I'm 'jumping-out-of-my- seat' excited to perform it.

K

In order to live up to the adventure

1. Start painting again.
2. Get G2.
3. Learn how to drive stick.
4. Fill out my recipe book by learning how to cook.
5. Allow Mom to teach me how to sow.
6. Write a letter to wonderful friend in Quebec.
7. Work.
8. Read.
9. Plan perfect prank for youth camp.
10. Go to Hillsong United conference.
11. Go to Brampton and see Kristen.
12. Hang out with brother downtown.
13. Buy new Chucks.

.....

What if we weren't poetic at all?
Can I call myself fluent in English if I probably don't even use or know the meaning of at least half of the words?
Can I really deny a walk with a good friend on a blue sky spring day?
What would it be like if I didn't justify myself after doing something wrong? Wasn't that what Jesus was did? Not that I want to be "like" Jesus. I want him to live in me. Our relationship is not set on responsibility but the ability to respond*. It's dynamic; living.

What if I'm so done with being busy?

We've been conditioned to reject passion.
Don't be radical about anything they tell us.
WHY NOT ??!
Jesus was the most radical person ever.
Political correctness really bothers me. So does money, and constant advertisements.
My brother says that last one is just a stage though.

* Read The Shack

How do they do it?

How do they sign their life away at 19 with a diamond ring?
How do they date someone after knowing them for just 2 weeks?
How can they possibly know who they are yet?
How can they put themselves in a box?
It's beyond me.

To think that people get married at 19 is crazy for me to think about.
Probably because at 19 I still won't have had a serious relationship.
I guess there are always exceptions to the rule.
But still.

p.s. I can check Theory: Gr. 2 Rudiments off the list. But I still don't know what 'poca a poca stringendo' means.

How does life pass so quickly
When time passes at the same time all the time?
How can a moment go either so slowly as if the clock has really stopped, when other moments pass by like the speed of light.

Time is a mystery to me.

If i didn't have Jesus, life would be utterly unsatisfying and boring.

That's Life

I'm trying to take on a new kind of attitude.
I used to be way to uptight about everything.
Worried.
Stressed. You name it.

But I figure Proverbs 3:5 is there for a reason. That whole Choral Fest 'King Jesus is a listenin' ' message really stuck with me.
'If you're going to pray about something, then quit worrying about it. But if you're choosing to worry, don't bother praying.'

Life happens. It's not generally 'normal' and it doesn't generally go as planned. But make the best of it knowing that you're loved by Jesus...

I love Jesus...

So much.

On another note: I have a wonderfully amazing family that I love with all my heart. I take my family for granted too often when really I should be thanking Jesus all day, every day for what a blessing He's given me.

Realizing that life happens however, is not easy. I've been tested so many times this past week It's not even funny. But I have favour. Jesus loves me.

Undiscovered - James Morrison

People are always asking me what I want to be when I grow up.
They're asking me if I want to 'make it big' someday.

What about being a singer/songwriter?
When is your CD coming out?
Why haven't you been discovered?

And all these voices are simply drowning out the only voice that is REALLY important for me to hear right now.

I've been told a a lot of different things by a lot of different people.

And they all want an answer to the same question.

The only answer I have to give is simply, That's not up to me.

If I told you that I didn't have dreams, it would be a lie. I have many dreams. In fact, at the beginning of this year I wrote down a list of 'Expectations for 2008' which is currently taped up onto my wall beside my bed so that I don't forget. They are not resolutions, and its not a "To-do-list". It's a prayer. And these aspirations aren't simply things that I want to accomplish. They are things that have been birthed in my spirit. They are big, scary, and some of them are, in my mind, close to impossible. They are dreams that God has placed in my heart; dreams that he has nurtured. And Him and I talk about them; often.

Today is May 1, and we are just over 4 months into the year, and already I can see some of those dreams coming to pass. God has placed certain people into my life, and given me certain opportunities to make those dreams come true. There's something about writing them down on a peace of paper.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have no idea what God has in store for me.
But who's to say that I'm not discovered? Who's to say that I'm not found? I know the greatest love of all has been given to me.

And even when the voice of the deceiver tries to convince me that this is it. God doesn't have anything more for me. There is something down in the most intimate places of my spirit, a place that only God and I know that tells me, Kirstyn, I have great plans for you. And I hold onto that promise with all I am.

Let me just say this,

My primary goal is not to have a record deal, or to sing on a stage in front of millions of people. Because if that was the first thing on my list then it would be about me. And it's not. This gift is for Him.
The first thing on my list is to be used by the One that I love.
To influence the people around me.
To spread the spirit around.
To show His love in a way that only music can.
To be anointed.
To sing because my soul needs to.
And if that means I sing in front of millions of people or 'make it big' someday it'll be because He came first in my life.

And as I wrote on that list of expectations at the beginning of the year.

I am not afraid to dream big.

Especially when He's on my side.

Don't Flatter Me.

It seems like such a long time ago. Much longer than a year.
But a year it is; a year tomorrow.
Choral Fest.
It was epic.

I love it when God takes a situation and turns into something amazing.
He's got my back.
Flattery or not.

I'm over it.