Kirstyn is fragile

I think sometimes I convince myself that I'm not scared of anything.
And sometimes its almost like I'm faking confidence when inside I'm worrying up a storm.
Let's just say that I am so glad for friends;
Friends to pray with.
A Brother to make things clear in my head again.
Life is fragile sometimes.
People are fragile sometimes.
I'm fragile sometimes.
And sometimes I get SO intimidated.
But I'm working on trusting in God. It's an everyday thing.

Listening to: Warning Sign - Coldplay

A lifetime of music summed up in...31 words

The chimes sounded pretty.

The recorder was a mistake.
The trumpet was loud.
The guitar is a work in progress.
The piano is my baby.
Singing,
well singing is simply involuntary.

A lot can happen in a year.
People can get boyfriends.
People can change.
A lot.
People can grow apart.
And I'm really scared.
That one day.
I'll look back on life and ask,
"Why did we grow apart?"
"We used to be so close."
And then I'll remember.
That that was the year we were 16.
I hate this feeling.
That I might be losing you.
Losing one of the best friends I have.
Love cannot differentiate between Christian and non-Christian.
Be careful.
Love, Kirstyn.

I need that sense of peace again...

Sometimes we just have to tell our minds to shut up
and stop thinking so much.

You won't find me in the lay-by.

This year has been a good year for confidence.
I think the things that I've experienced this year have brought me to a place of finding out who I am.
It's given me a push to do more than I thought I could do; be more than I thought I could be.
And through all this growing I've been supported.
And that support has brought me to a level of self-assurance.

I'm confident in what I believe, while still knowing that I will never be finished learning about God and his love.

I'm confident in my appearance - That has a lot to do with this past summer. I actually wake up in the morning now and feel beautiful. And I think that that is the result of many things: Germany, Camp, Anne Frank. I also see it as a sign that I'm starting to live in the love of God that I believe so strongly in.

I'm confident in my relationships - I've had such great fellowship this year. My friendships have grown. I've met new people and fell in love with them. I've the old friendships and I continue to love seeing how much God is doing in their lives too.

I'm confident in my abilities - I know that my strength comes from Him. And I actually believe that I'm capable of doing what I put my mind to. And even then, not only am I capable of doing it, but I'm capable of doing it well.

And the cool thing is that nobody is going to convince me otherwise.
K

I'm not really the type to get all lovey dovey... but...

I was walking to my locker this morning as I arrived to school. And once again I was stuck behind some really really slow walking people. If you know me at all, you know that I am a fast walker. I know where I want to go, and I'm very direct about it. One of my hugest pet peeves is being stuck behind someone who couldn't possibly be walking slower if they tried.

Anyways, back to the story.
I was walking behind one of the current couples at my school. They were walking so slowly, and all I could think about was getting passed them. It didn't take me very long (it never does) to find somewhere to squeeze through them as they blocked the hallway and continue on towards my locker. An annoyed thought about being slowed down was being entertained in my head at the moment. But that thought was put on hold as another one took its place. Because it dawned on me then.
Of course they're walking slow. They like each other for Pete's sake. They're walking slowly because they have nowhere to be other than beside each other.

Then I thought. I wonder what kinda wonderful guy it will take to slow me down; to make me walk at a snail's place.

Anyways, enough on that. Moving on.

K

A building rather than a people, a body

When we're capable of such pride.
When we have the gall to say
that our reason for not furthering our relationship with Christ
is simply because
we didn't feel like it.
Is simply because
we couldn't find a church that fit our 'needs'.
Is simply because
we didn't like the way they worshiped.

Then we've missed the point.
And we've been doing things wrong this whole time.

Because it's no longer about Jesus.
It's about us.
How we feel.
What we want.

And then we become segregated into different denominations
that are skeptical about each other's beliefs.

And then that stereotypical 'hypocrite' name for Christians
actually has ground to stand on.

Man, are we judgmental.
Man, do we have a lot of self-righteous pride.
Man, are we doing church wrong.

K

So, I haven't posted in a while. I know.
But I have a good excuse. I have been so busy with the school show.
We're in the middle of performances and this is the first time that I've been able to have a breather.

Anyways, to leave you with a thought.

I really enjoy meeting new people.
I really enjoy fellowship with other people my age.

Yours truely.

I am ecstatic. I am tired. And for once, smelling like chlorine is a relief.
Let me explain.

I just passed my in water screening for my future lifeguarding/instructing position at my local community pool. It's been a long time coming and a whole ton of hard work. I am so excited about finally being paid for it!

"The Brick" used to be two of the most intimidating words I had ever heard in my life. Until today, when I actually was successful in lifting that 20 pound brick off the bottom of a 4 meter deep pool and placing it on the pool deck. I'm fine with spinals, and pea-carries, submerged victim, and CPR but man, that brick... It has not been my best friend.

I think that when the mind has had time to stew over something that is a challenge (in my case 4 months of time) it becomes a lot more scary, intimidating, and difficult than you ever thought possible. Until you face the reality of it again and realize, this is something I can actually do! That's my relationship with 'The Brick'. Because lifting that weight was really much easier after all was said and done.

But this job finally seems attainable. All of the courses are finished. All of the work; done. The screening went well... and hopefully, I'll have an interview on Thursday.

Anyways, that's what is up in my life right now.
Kirstyn Krause; certified National Lifeguard

I wish I could make you understand.

I'm generally a very talkative person.
But sometimes the fear of being misunderstood shuts me right up.
I'm not talking about voicing my opinion.........
..........I definitely do not have a problem with that.
It's more along the lines of holding onto standards that people have forgotten even existed.
And when I think about now, and I think about tomorrow, and I think about next year.
It won't be easy. I know that now
(But I've been thrown a rope, so I know I won't fall)

I'm the kind of person that doesn't generally want to voice things unless I know I actually have time to discuss it with you. If I don't have time to tell you what I think and listen to your side as well, I probably won't bring it up.
And even in situations like that I find that people still don't listen.
Perhaps they do listen, but it's sort of that "in-one-ear-and-out-the-other" deal.
Sometimes its so hard to be misunderstood.
*Sigh*

Yea...

I just totally had another one of those Group #2 conversations again.
It was SO awkward.
Man, why don't people get that not everything is great discussion material?

To better explain what I'm saying,
I guess that people can become that person that you go to to talk to, but a certain amount of trust, respect, and loyalty has to be built up first.

Be aware of what is coming out of your mouth!

Ok. First of all. Before I write anything else on this blog. I need to say this:

STOP PROCLAIMING THAT YOU ARE SICK!!
Stop proclaiming that you have a horrible cold and will have it for quite a while. Stop saying that you feel a migraine coming on. Stop saying that you're aching back is going to kill you.

Words have so much power. In John 1 it is says "In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God."

The word WAS God! God created the world by SPEAKING things into being. The bible talks about the tongue being such a powerful destroyer.

The words we say have so much more power than we give them credit for. Ever notice how an insult effects you SO much more than compliment does? Ever notice how one nice word of encouragement can make your day? Ever notice how people have been healed because others have prayed for them? Words have so much power.

So if you are sick, don't say over and over that your body is killing you. Try instead to speak words of LIFE. Don't give so much power to the sickness. Don't give ownership to it.

Try it. I dare you. Speak blessing and healing over your sickness instead of complaining about it.

Words have power.

Let's play 'Would you rather'

It's hard to live under obligation. I find a lot of times that being obligated to do something, or be someone is really not a good thing. When I think of the word obligation I associate it with a negative connotation. When people are obligated they generally don't have much heart behind it. It comes down to the fact that they have to do it, instead of wanting to do it.

Sometimes I get stuck when I feel obligated towards someone that I look up to. I know that they want or expect something from me that I simply cannot deliver.

I have to remind myself daily not to live under the burden of obligation. I've done so many things out of obligation. Things that at first I thought were things that I needed to do; things that God had called me to do.

But God is not a God of obligation. He's a God of love; a God that gives us strength and a God that is able to change our hearts. When we feel obligated to do something our heart is generally not in the right place, and the fruits of the spirit are generally not being exhibited. But God is able to change our hearts. To change obligation into something completely different. Something that builds us up, and builds other people up.

Under obligation is a horrible place to be. And sometimes we have to think less about the expectations that people have for us, and concentrate more on God and his plans for us.