Twenty-four Seven

Last night I had an amazing opportunity to lead worship at a church up in Burlington. This church is called Twenty-four seven, and its held in a building that used to be a nightclub but has been transformed into an amazing ministry.

Anyways, I got to sing in their worship band for their Sunday night service yesterday. And during the worship I also got a chance to play my song 'Oxygen'.

It's cool for me to see how a song I wrote responding to a tough situation in my life can relate to people and what they're going through. It can minister to them in a way I never planned on. It's awesome. God is awesome.

K

I'm just a little fond of you.

I seem to be in a perpetual state of writing these days; writing songs that is.
They seem to be getting harder and harder to write.
When I was young, I was able to spew out a song in like 45 min flat. One sitting max. They also weren't very good back then. But it's all in the journey.
Now, it seems that I always have a song that I'm working on. At this moment I even have two.

Sometimes my songs are really spirit led. By that I mean, they are influenced and anointed by the Holy Spirit. The emotion and passion come from somewhere deep down in my spirit. But at the moment it feels like I'm writing one that is totally just on the surface. It's concerning a matter that I've already let God deal with. It has more to do with my soul, and what I'm feeling in the moment, rather than the truth of who God says I am. But I'm still drawn to it.

I'm not making much sense at the moment. Oh well.

Anyways, It makes me second guess whether it's really healthy for me to be writing it. But it still makes good music. That's all I'm saying.

Many times, I'm writing a song and in my mind I'm thinking, I am never playing this song in public. It's too personal, or too misunderstood, or too crazy, or too whatever. The funny thing is that God always seems to take whatever music I write, for whatever reason, and turn it into something beautiful that has a way of touching other people's hearts. Hehe, and a song that I never intended to be played for an audience all the sudden is one that I play most often for people. Because they relate to it. It helps people understand their own situation. And that is one of the reasons that I love this.

P.S. Music is so much easier to write at nighttime in semi-darkness. That way I can just wail away in the atmosphere of the moment.

One year.

So it's been a year since I left for Germany. Which is a little sad for me.
I remember that I blogged a lot while I was over there. I wonder if I blogged about my day-in, day-out summer job that it would be nearly as exciting. Probably not. But I think i still might. It's hard for a summer to live up to the kind of one I had last year. Regardless, I'm excited for the summer.

K

So glad that I won't be sitting around doing nothing this summer

Seems to me that good hair days always happen when you spend your entire day at home.
I like feeling pretty.
Not for you.
For me.
I bought a pair of green shorts today.

Will you be my lover?

How do we know how to love?
Personally, I think that we would not know how to if we were not loved in the first place.
I think that without the perfect love of the Father that we would be incapable of love. Whether we realize it or not, His love compels us to love.

And even if we realize that He loves us. Can we ever know how fully, deeply, and passionately He does? What if we were just satisfied with, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the bible tells me so." I know I'm not. I don't want to know that I'm loved simply because I read it in scripture. I want to know that Jesus loves me through revelation from the Father; through intimate personal relationship with Him.

It makes me wonder then. I know I'm capable of love. I know that I love my family. I know that I love my friends. I know that I can love a man that will eventually come into my life. But there is a difference between love that comes from us as humans, a love that comes through us from the Father. I want to be able to love in a way that the Father does. Love my family, my friends, and my future husband in a way that isn't selfish, that isn't self-serving, but stems from the love that made us capable to love. It'll take time, if not the rest of my life to even come close to learning and experiencing this kind of love from the father.

But it's a good thing.
Because, how can we ever be lovers, if we don't even understand real, passionate, and unconditional love?

Let's forget the 'to-do' list

The sky captivates me.
I think we all secretly wish we could fly.

Let's just be done.

Closure is important.
I think that I am a person that needs closure in pretty much everything.
Whether it be a friendship, a graduation, or a show there is always one very specific point where accept that something is ending and then from that moment on I'm fine. I can forget about it; move on.
Without that moment, everything in life just ends up hanging around in mid air. Nothing is finished, nothing is put away. It's chaos.
Change is only good if you have closure to what is ending. It's the old idea that you have to throw out a pair of old shoes every time you get a new pair. (I never end up doing that, but you get the idea) In order for something new to come, the old must go.
That's what I think.

I am a Queen

Ok God, I get it. I'm hidden.

Show me what it means.

Show me how to embrace it.

Show me how much you love me.

I want to glow.

This is next year.

So I got my schedule for my Gr. 12 year. I got into every course that I wanted, including drama! (That was a close one) And surprisingly, among all of the math, science and French courses I'm taking, I'm ecstatic about next year. It's going to be busy. That's inevitable, but it's going to be great. I'm excited for calculus. Isn't that weird, that I'm excited for calculus!? After taking Gr. 10 math I remember telling myself that as soon as I didn't have to take math anymore, I wouldn't. And here I am, taking two maths. Anyways, here's what I'm taking:

Philosophy
Biology
French
Advanced Functions
Calculus
Spare
English
Drama

It's going to be a great year.

K

Now

I think I'm not blogging as much lately because this ugly blue background on my blog does NOT leave much scope for the imagination. I have been trying to convince my brother to find the time to redo it for me, but as of yet he has not found the time.

I'm finding that 17 is a really awkward year. It feels like I'm neither here nor there in anything. Somehow in school it feels as though you're at the top. There is this fake imaginary crown that the Gr. 11's and 12's wear and you feel like you're finally getting somewhere important in life. Grades start counting, you start working towards getting your license, you get a job, you look into universities.

But really it's all relative, because as soon as you go out to your job or out to your young people's church, or out anywhere you realize you're still at the bottom working your way up. Here I am the 17 year old still in school in June when the university students got out in April. Here I am the 17 year old who still can't find the time to get my G2.

Yet somehow, if I had the chance, I wouldn't skip ahead. As awkward as it seems sometimes, life is good.

This post seems incredibly juvenile and I really just want to save it as a draft, but I won't.

Here's the deal.
If I were to skip ahead now, I'd miss out on so many promises and things that God has this year of being 17.

K -

I'm just a little fond of you

Once again, it seems that I have many things to say, and just no way to say them.
I wonder if God smiles at my naivety.

I've been pretty quiet today.
Both my parents are off at a wedding, and my brother has been in and out during the day.
Consequently, I've been here. Inside my house. Thinking and working on French homework all day.
I haven't gone outside. It's sunny and I figure that I got enough sun yesterday at wonderland. My head is still slightly nauseous.
I made three sock puppets today for my French summative. It took longer than expected.

I think I need the school year to end for more than one reason.
The future is uncertain. As it should be.
I also need to get my drivers license. Real bad

Let's be done.

It hit me this morning. I'm ready for summer vacation. Or I guess this summer, I'm ready for work. I'm ready to be done assignments, exams, projects and all that. I'm ready for a break from constant people in the halls all day long.

Anyways,
Get this.

God is not a God of limitations, but one of opportunity.

K