[breaking free from routine]

Skills of a lost generation.

2011-08-30T21:09:00.001-04:00

I was sewing a button back on one of my dresses this evening when I realized something. While I am perfectly capable of sewing on a button, it still probably takes me twice as long as it would take my mother or my grandmother to do.

I have a feeling that my grandmother's generation is the last of its kind. The kind that had practical skill. The skill of cooking, cleaning, sewing, changing the oil on my car.
When I have grandchildren of my own, are they going to know me for my fabulous cooking? The idea of grandma's home cooking will have disappeared into the wind. It'll be a myth, an old wives tale. Grandma's who can cook?

Maybe it's just me, but in the midst of my university student, part-time worker life, I don't have the time nor the interest to sit down and learn how to use a sewing machine to mend holes in ripped jeans or alter a dress that is just slightly too long.
Nobody has ever taught me how to make pot roast, or potato salad like my Oma makes it. Sure I can follow a recipe. I can cook. I can make delicious food. But, it doesn't come naturally. I don't have a lot of practice.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at when I open the hood of my car. And I wouldn't have a clue when it comes to changing a tire.

We say that we've made progress in the past 40 years, but we've really just switched our perspective. Instead of learning how to 'keep house' on our own, we go to university, to get well-paying jobs and will allow us to pay other people to 'keep house' for us.
We've traded in practical skill for academics. And we're still just as smart. But we're smart in a different way.

I remember sitting down with my mom when I was about 9 years old. We picked out some fabric, a pattern, and she taught me how to sow. I ended up making an entire outfit (hideous if you ask me, or if you look at our old family albums, but nevertheless, I did it on my own).
But it wasn't a skill that I harnessed. It doesn't fit in in with my lifestyle. Or maybe its the other way around.

All I know is that there's something sad in knowing that I'll probably never have the chops that my grandmother does when I'm her age. I'll have to keep practicing. Hopefully by the time I'm married I'll be able to make a mean pot roast.

Our society loves pushing women's rights. Loves seeing women climb the social ladder to become doctors, CEO's, researchers, you name it. Even I'm thinking about one day doing my doctorate.

But if you ask me, there is something honourable in the skills my grandmother has. She has an answer for everything. And I would never take for granted one of her good home cooked meals.

The Father's Love Letter

2011-06-19T12:55:00.001-04:00

My child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. - Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. - Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. - Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. - Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. - Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being. - Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. - Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. - Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. - Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. - Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. - Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. - Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. - Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. - Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. - John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. - 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. - 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. - 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. - Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. - Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. - James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. - Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. - Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. - Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. - Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. - Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. - Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. - Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. - Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. - Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. - Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. - Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. - Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. - 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. - Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. - Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. - Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. - Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. - John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. - John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. - Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. - Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. - 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. - 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. - 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. - Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. - 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. - Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. - Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father. - Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? - John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. - Luke 15:11-32

Love your Dad, Almighty God

Chocolate Brownie.

2011-06-15T22:58:00.000-04:00

After a full day of studying, I had no choice. I just had to grab the keys at 20 after 7 and go out for an icecream run. I thought about going to marble slab, but my mother reminded me that it's expensive, and also slipped me some money to go buy a carton at No Frills. Can't argue with the dollar bills.
Yum icecream.
So, I came home with some president's choice chocolate brownie ice cream.
It was slightly over the top on the decadent factor. You can never really know by just looking at the picture. So deceeeeiving. But chocolate always is.
Question though, why do we always feel the need to place "chocolate" before the word brownie. I mean the colour of chocolate is brown. Brown is already in the word brownie. It's just redundant. No need to say it twice. Any chocolate lover is gonna know that brownie means chocolate.
With my icecream fix satisfied, I sat down on the couch to watch me some SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE.
Perfect way to spend the eve of my final exam. Yes sir.

Speak Tenderly To Me

2011-06-09T23:14:00.000-04:00

I don't really know what to say. But, I thought that the new layout deserved a new post.

Take a look at the phrase written under the title of this blog.

Bring me into the wilderness and speak tenderly to me.

It comes from Hosea 3:14-15 which says

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."

This verse has been very poignant to me as of late.

Let me break it down for you.

The wilderness represents a season where God purposely removes something from your life. He's promised you something. He's given you a desire, but he has yet to fulfill it. You know he's faithful, you know he's working on it. But, his answer is at that "Not yet" state that we impatiently dread. But, it's a "Not yet" because he wants to prepare you in some way, and because He wants to meet with you and show you himself.

When I think of the world "Wilderness", the words drought, barren, dry, empty, void come to mind. But, I love how God paints a completely different picture.

In this verse in Hosea, he comes to allure Her (being the people of Israel who have sinned) into the wilderness. Where He then speaks tenderly to her.

In other words, God wants to spend time with her, to reveal himself to her. It's full of love, and intimacy, and understanding.

He purposefully brings her there.

And after her speaks to her, and tenderly at that, she finds herself in a vineyard. A place of life, growth, fruitfulness, and blessing. A place where God turns her trouble (the meaning of Achor) into hope.

There is just so much packed into two tiny verses.

Three things I've figured out about the "wilderness" from reading my bible:

*If you want specific references, I can give them to you. Leave me a comment.

1. We never lack anything that we need in the wilderness.

2. God shows up in the wilderness.

3. The wilderness is always followed by a promised land.

Stew on that for a while. I know I've been.

It is finished.

2011-06-01T22:34:00.003-04:00

I choose you Jesus. Come be my one thing.

My hope is in you Lord

I am steadfast, I will not be moved.

An anchor, never shaken.

My hope is in you.

Friends

2011-05-28T14:51:00.000-04:00

In this very purposeful season of my life, I'm realizing I have 3 things:

1. God. faithful, unconditionally loving, ever-present in my life.
2. Family. gotta love ya, always will.
3. Friends. transitional groups of people that mean a whole heck of a lot to you for certain seasons in your life.

It's important to never take any of those three for granted. But, for the purposes of today, that statement applies specifically to #3.
It wasn't until I ventured off to University that I realized how quickly friends can come into your life and leave without further notice. You start realizing that you're not the only one that has a life, so do your friends. And sometimes, for any extenuating circumstance, that life does not or cannot include the friendship.

I remember in 7th grade, my teacher told the class that the friends you have in elementary school will most certainly not be the friends that you have in high school and university. I didn't believe him, openly claiming that I would be best friends with _________ and __________ and ___________ (fill in the blanks) for the rest of my life. That school, distance, and circumstances would not able to pull apart the bond that had been so beautifully formed in the early years of my childhood.

I'm realizing now that I was wrong. Now, it's not impossible for a friendship to stay alive when school, distance, or circumstances get in the way, but It does become incredibly difficult. For a friendship to survive, three things need to be there:

1. The friendship needs to be mutual. This may sound incredibly banal. But it's not. It's important to establish that you both have the desire to pursue the relationship.

2. Friendship needs to be fought for. It's not easy to keep a friendship going. It takes effort, time, communication, understanding. It's not easy.

3. A friendship needs to develop. This is simply because we as individuals are continuing to develop and change. Our lives, jobs, schools, passions are in a constant state of flux (This being directed to the young adult of course) Our friendship needs to change with us. It can't be stagnant. We can't live off of "yesterday's" memories. Wasn't it great when .... We need to be able to form new memories.

All this to say that these past few years have made me incredibly appreciative of my friends. I know how quickly it can slip away. I know what it feels like when it does.

To all my of my friends, Thank you. I love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you.

De-Clutter

2011-05-17T10:16:00.001-04:00

I don't really know where it sprang up from, the urge to de-clutter my room. All I know is that late Sunday evening I was sitting on the floor going through the shelves on my bookcase, discovering lost papers, photo albums, lifesaving manuals, and books all wrapped in dust - a sign that I hadn't looked at, nor cared about these items in a long time.

One thing you need to know about me. Deep down somewhere, I really do love to organize. I remember one time in high school, when I organized the entire prop room for my drama class with a few other girls. We started with a room that "didn't have a floor" and finished with a beautifully organized masterpiece of costumes, hats, and fabric. It was so clean, and we had created so much new space, that Peters, our drama teacher, actually used the room for final year monologue performances. Yup.

But I digress.

Over the past few days I have spent several hours going through every box, shelf, and container. I've been throwing away things that I never use, and putting away into storage old school assignments, drama scripts, agendas, and certificates that I still care about but that certainly don't need to be in my room all year round. I'm serious, I was finding school assignments from early elementary school on my bookshelf. Unnecessary.

I've been at it now for about two days, and am only starting to feel like I've made a dent. The thing is, once I start, I can't stop. I can't just do one shelf, because then I have to do all the shelves. I can't just do my shelves because then I need to do my desk drawers. Which makes me do my night-side table, and my closet, and my files ..... The list goes on.

I feel like its more than just an organizational rampage though. It's more like a passage into adulthood? A time that I can spend decluttering my heart as well as my physical room. (Try and find the symbolism there why don't you) God's calling me to a new season. I've also just turned 20. Maybe there's a correlation between all these elements. Maybe there isn't. I'll let you judge for yourself. As for me, there are a few more boxes I need to go through.

K

Here we are.

2011-04-23T23:44:00.000-04:00

It amazes me how quickly I'm able to leave behind the hecticness of university and enter into summer holidays. As if it never happened. And I end up talking about it as if I'm some expert who knows all the ins and outs of the course and could tell you the best advice on how to pass it. I forget my previous woes and am thrust, yet again, into a new massive transition. Summer.

The life of a university student, as I am discovering, is one of constant flux. Nothing stays the same for long. Things are always changing. I go through two semesters in study mode. Then I have two months here in Toronto with too much free time on my hands. Then I go back to Quebec. Then I come back to school. Then I go to France. Then I come back home. It's a constant cycle of change. A whirlwind that is sweeping you forward in a (not always) clear direction. It's hard to put down roots. To establish yourself. You just need to keep moving. Because time doesn't stop to wait for you to catch your breath.

In a way, it's a little bit intimidating to have 4 months stretching out before me. How am I going to fill up that many days? I feel the need to accomplish something significant; to make use of my time. I've just been handed a pile of free time. More than I need for sure. It's easy to slip into a unproductive rut where I end up doing nothing day in and day out. It's the opposite extreme of studying. So, I try to find a happy medium.

I'm currently out of work. I still have my shift at the pool each week. But all my other job opportunities have sort of fell through.

What am I going to do with this free time you ask? (Or what would I like to do ...)

1. Read my bible. Seek the Lord.
2. Try and get some replacement shifts at the pool.
3. Take a 5 week summer course.
4. Prepare for my international exchange
5. Get together with my friends.
6. Play piano
7. Learn to cook
8. Find a way to continue improving my french
9. Possibly volunteer somewhere
10. Try and embrace the whirlwind of change

We'll see.

Apparently, I can cook!

2011-04-20T23:09:00.003-04:00

My friend Kayla and I just turned 1 year older this month (Her 22, me 20).
And so we decided to celebrate.
But the springtime is being shy, so due to the cold weather and the forecast of rain, we needed to be creative and find something fun to do indoors.
Put together:

1 new cookbook
1 trip to No Frills
Jane Eyre
Free Parking Ticket
A craving for Chicken Parmesan
Fabulous conversation
And the need to try something new

And you end up with an amazing way to celebrate the birthdays two young women on the brink of a beautiful friendship.

After watching a great girly matinee, eating smuggled treats, we came home and made a fabulous meal of Chicken Parmesan, Caesar Salad, Sparkling Juice, and Pillsbury Dough Boy Icecream Sandwiches. You would never had been able to guess we don't cook on a regular basis. It was delicious!

Stay Sane, Have a Brain Break.

2011-04-10T14:11:00.000-04:00

Even I, with my on-task, organized, plan-ahead, cannot procrastinate personality, have a hard time staying sane during exam time.
I feel like a broken record that keeps on repeating the same part over and over again. Probably because all I've been doing since last Wednesday is study every day.
I always create a goal for the day. How much material I'd like to study for the day. Generally when I finish that goal, even if its early, I call it quits.

But, my brain is starting to shut off earlier in the day now. Come 5:30pm, I'm done. No more concentration.
My days are filled with endless study. My evenings are filled with doing absolutely nothing.

I have an exam tomorrow morning at 9am, and then one final exam on Thursday.
Come Thursday afternoon, I will be on a bus to Montréal. (For the weekend, don't worry I'm coming back)

K

A place of freedom and growth.

2011-04-05T23:06:00.001-04:00

I'm currently reading the book of Psalms. Today I read #18, a Psalm of David written after God rescued him from Saul and from his enemies.

As I was reading, I came across something strange in verse 19.

"He (God) brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me."

For some reason (That reason being the nudging of the Holy Spirit) I couldn't get my mind off the first part of that verse. A broad place.
I continued reading, thinking nothing of it at first. But I had to come back to it, because I couldn't shake it.
A broad place. What is that supposed to even mean?
My dad happened to be close by while I was reading, and so I asked him what he thought about the verse.
He let out this big sigh of contentment when I read the verse to him. As if to say, Oh that's a good one. And I said, what to you understand from this verse?
He said that a broad place to him represented freedom and room to grow.

And from that, the thoughts just started to flow.

A broad place is a place of safety. I picture a large open field somewhere in the country. The sun is shining, the sky is blue. And its quiet. Quiet enough for just you and God. Quiet enough to hear his voice. In a field, there is no restriction. No daily responsibility that keeps you from Him. There is possibility for new things. There's not one direction in which you could move forward, but several.

In the verse before that it says that the LORD is his support. So before God brought David out into a broad place, a place of freedom and growth. God was already supporting him. And from that place of trust, God brought him into a place that requires David to trust him even more to bring something AMAZING into his life.

I can't believe I got all this from one line in a Psalm. I could go on.
All I'm saying is that the idea of God bringing me to a broad place really resonates with my heart.
Especially in a time where the summer is uncertain.
He's just telling me to relax a little bit.

He loves me. I love Him. Isn't it wonderful.

K

Silence

2011-03-23T22:39:00.001-04:00

Losing interest quickly is your forte.
I've just barely started falling in when you fall out.
But so it goes.
You'd think I'd be used to it by now.
You'd think it'd get easier.
It doesn't.
Give a girl a chance why don't you?

K

Interesting Day

2011-02-23T23:53:00.000-05:00

Wake up 3 minutes before alarm goes off
Watch Top Pyramid while on the tread mill - exercising my body and my mind haha
Nutella for breakfast, yum...
Study for L'apprentissage
Gospel Choir solo
Girls come to pick me up
Adele 21 in the car
Lunch at Makimono with the girls - chicken fried rice, dumplings, spring roles, green tea, sushi, avocado, waaaay too much avocado, vanilla ice cream. YUM
Laughter
Visit to the old high school
Talk with old teachers - tell them I'm going to France. Appreciate TD just as much as I always did.
More Adele 21 in the car
Trip to walmart
Burt's bees, lipstick, nail polish the colour of "gangreen" - really mint sorbet, but w/e
Wedding magazines
More laughter.
Traffic
Arrive at home
Open my textbook only to decide to take the rest of the day off
NUMB3RS
30 Vies - strange French show on T.V. - again exercising my mind
Get the urge to see The Wedding Planner
Frustrating trip to Blockbuster where they don't let me rent a video because I'm not a "partner" on my mother's card.
Return home.
Work on débat for French class. (Even when I decide to take the night off, I always end up doing something school-related)
Wait for mother to get home.
Take her blockbuster card. Go back to blockbuster. They STILL won't let me rent the movie I want to see.
Mother works a little magic on the phone.
Go against the rules and rent The Wedding Planner. Thank you mother :)
Watch it.
Paint my nails the colour of gangreen - or mint sorbet - take your pick
Cry, smile, laugh. Love the movie JUST as much as I did the first million times.
Come upstairs and get ridiculed by my family for the colour of my nails (In a loving way though)
Fur Elise on the piano. Feels good to play the piano.
Time for bed.

Bad Blogger

2011-02-23T23:39:00.002-05:00

So, I found out several weeks ago that I was accepted to the exchange program, and will be going to Nice, France next January.

I'm so excited!

Sorry for not telling you all sooner.

Nice or Geneva - Which one shall it be?

2011-02-04T22:33:00.000-05:00

As many of you already know, I've spent this last fall semester applying for the international exchange program at Glendon, and hope to be studying abroad in January for the second semester of my third year of University.

Today I had my interview at Glendon, which was completely in French (yes, be proud). They asked me about my experiences in Germany, as well as in Quebec. They asked my why I had chosen Nice, France as my first choice. They asked my why I had chosen only one semester instead of a whole year. And I, quite successfully might I add, answered them in my little québécois accent.
They asked me if I would mind going to Geneva if they couldn't place me at my first choice university, and of course I said no. They're both fabulous cities. I just want to go abroad and learn French.

They have several more interviews to do, but they told me they would contact me in a few weeks about the results, and what university I will be studying at.

AHHHHHH! Excitement level has just risen about a million percent.
So, for your reader enjoyment, I will post two pictures (one of Nice, and one of Geneva) - one of which I will be at, God willing, next January!

Nice, France

Geneva, Switzerland

2011-01-23T23:33:00.001-05:00

Times are a'changing. And it's just taking me a while to get used to it.
----

Looking at this sentence a few days after writing it made me realize something new.
It's not so much that I don't like change. I think it's more the fact that sometimes it feels as though I'm being left behind while those that are close to me do. (Even when they're changing in positive ways)

Maybe I'd rather it that I change right along with them, or that neither of us change.

But that's not really the way life works.
Like I said, it just takes some readjustment, and getting used to.

Just some thoughts.

K

Things I'd like to do with you

2011-01-18T14:06:00.000-05:00

Skating on a clear night

Walk the boardwalk down in the beaches on a cool august afternoon

Eat at a ridiculously fancy restaurant

Eat hamburgers at a fast-food diner

Go to a bookstore and peruse the books we would never buy

Rent and watch the movie you feel like watching

Stargaze, counting the number of shooting stars we see

Spend hours talking in an eclectic coffee shop

Exchange Christmas gifts

Go to the zoo

K

Habakkuk 2:3

2011-01-16T21:46:00.002-05:00

You seem slow in coming, but I will wait for you.

I know where I want to do my PhD.

2011-01-15T18:28:00.000-05:00

Now I just gotta wait 2 and a half years to apply. At least you can say I don't like to procrastinate.

Everlasting search for a bible study

2011-01-14T20:17:00.000-05:00

The idea of being part of a bible study group (sometimes called a cell group, sometimes called a discipleship group (DG) has always been an attractive idea to me. I really do like the idea of meeting once a week with a group of young women that I trust and get along with to study the word of God, to encourage one another in our faith, and to share different aspects of our week.

Over the years I've joined different bible study groups, and for several different reasons they've never ended up sticking or working out.

One time the cell group ended up moving downtown - too far away to get a ride

Another time the bible study group leader moved out of town and couldn't continue it

A third time it was an incredibly long commute to get to the meeting (where I ended up spending more time in transit then I did with the girls that I just ended up not going back.)

For some a bible study is a weekly staple. It's a number one priority. They make room for it. They juggle their schedule around, travel far, and will do anything to join one and be part of one.
I've never really been on the same page as those people. Although I feel that it would be beneficial for me to be a part of one, the idea of traveling far, juggling my time, and doing whatever I can to join one ends up being more of a stress more than a blessing.

And isn't that what the meeting is supposed to be? A blessing. Not only to me, but also allowing me to encourage and be a blessing to others in the group as we grow in our faith together?

I'm not against the idea at all. In fact, I'd still like to find one. However, I have 3 criteria:

Proximity: It's gotta be close to where I'm living. I'm not traveling an hour there and an hour back to meet for 45 min to an hour.
Convenience: It's gotta be at the right time. Ideally it would fit into my schedule. So, after class sometime would be great. Coming to school on my day off - not so great.
Trust: I'd really like to find a bible study that is led by someone I know well, I trust, and I look up to. Someone who's got similar goals than I do, that can encourage me in the plan that God has for me.

Those are the things I'm looking for. If I can find that, you can probably be sure that I'd sign up.
This may be a bit candid. But I just thought I'd share my point of view. So that you all know: I don't keep saying no because I don't want to. I keep saying no because the only options I've seen so far don't really seem like options to me.

University

2011-01-07T21:09:00.000-05:00

Walking from Glendon campus to the bus stop one evening near the end of last semester, a realization hit me. I'm really happy with my program, and with my choice to be at Glendon. I felt a sense of purpose and direction that evening as the sun set, casting its beams of light through the bare trees.

I've been really impressed, as of yet, with the undergrad psychology program offered at Glendon. While toughing it through my introductory stats and experimental psychology courses last semseter (the two manditory courses often dreaded by second year psychology undergrads), I recognized just how useful the information I was learning would be to my future path in the psychological field. I mean, everything has to do with stats and experiments in psych! And they weren't as bad as I expected them to be. In fact, my profs were great, the TA was amazing, and although I got frustrated with boring lectures and a pile of work, I felt that the psych department really knows what they were doing when they made us take these courses

Retrospectively, it's been an interesting journey so far. When I applied to Glendon I envisioned doing a double major in Psychology and Études Françaises. My goal was to get my undergrad psych degree and to follow that up with a masters degree in counseling. I had absolutely no interest in doing a 4th year thesis, and was against the idea of ever getting a doctorate. Over the span of a year and a half, my french major has turned into a minor, and finally gotten written off my degree completely as I changed my degree to a specialized honours in psychology (which doesn't allow me to do a minor on the side).

I really began to consider psychology and the possibility of pursuing it further than just a MA after a young psychologist (with a PhD to boot) came into my Intro to Psychology course and explained the ups and downs of her academic journey. She's now working at a hospital, specializing in eating disorders. And suddenly I realized that maybe I was selling myself short. Maybe, I was also capable of going all the way. Why limit myself to a BA undergrad, and a masters in counseling?

Even though I'm no longer doing a minor in Études Françaises, I'm still taking french courses. I would say that my passion for the language has continued to grow. There's something invigorating about continuing to pursue french even when it won't show up on my University Degree. And Glendon really does provide me with some great opportunities to pursue this passion. I handed in my International Exchange Application this past week and will hopefully be in France next January. The french profs can be a little bit... eccentric at times. But I've learned that It's really not about them. It's about what I put into learning French. I get only as much as I put in. So I take their idiosyncrasies with a grain of salt and a sense of humor and keep plugging away.

I don't know what my academic future holds for me as of yet. I don't know if I'll end up getting my PhD. I don't know how French will figure itself into the grand scheme of things. All I know is that there's a sense of God-given purpose in what I'm doing right now.

I'm glad I chose Glendon. I like its small high-school like buildings, where I can get to know my profs, and recognize the people I see in the hall. The campus continues to sparkle with beauty, and I still find myself gaping at the intricacies of the old Manoir at the back of the property. I love sitting myself at a desk in the library, enjoying quiet of the afternoon. I look out the window onto the rose garden (now covered with snow) and take in the smell of the ancient books that line the shelves around me. I like being able to be a part of events, classes, and clubs at Keele when I want to be. (It's not so bad in moderation). - And I'm as busy as ever. Sometimes it gets to be too much. But at least there's a sense of purpose. And that puts a skip in my stride, even after the hardest days.

K

Love in the air? At least for all of you it is.

2010-12-15T15:39:00.001-05:00

Life takes on a new perspective when the ones close to you begin dating, having boyfriends/girlfriends, getting married. Friendships inevitably change when a special someone enters the picture.

I guess it just takes me back to those times when us girls sat around the living room laughing, crying, and talking for hours on end about this boy and that guy. At that time, it felt real, right, it was still fresh. But we move on, have new experiences, meet new people.

There was always that excitement for the future (still is), but at the same time there was a warmness that we shared; a camaraderie of the mutual understanding of being single.

We made jokes about being each others bridesmaids - swearing to choose each other as maid of honour.

Several of my close friends have recently entered into romantic relationships. Two of my cousins are getting married this upcoming year. And so should be expected as we all begin to get older. I guess it just sneaks up on you. I feel as though these next few years are gonna fly by all the same, and that sneaking up will probably become a whirlwind.

I have my whole life ahead of me. Love my be in the air for several of those that I love, but it seems a bit more than a hop, skip and a step away from me. How do I know? Just a feeling. Doesn't mean there isn't that anticipation that bubbles up in my heart every so often.

K

Ready to dream again?

2010-12-13T23:00:00.003-05:00

¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3

----

There's something about these few verses that strike a cord somewhere in my heart. In the verses before this passage, Paul is speaking about how he has forsaken all other gains so that he can know Christ to the point of understanding his death, his resurrection, and his suffering. He's laid down everything in his life that's important for him, knowing that none of it is as important as what he can find in Christ.

I often find it difficult to understand Paul's unadulterated passionate sacrifice of everything he is to define himself as a follower and apostle of Jesus Christ. His whole life is about furthering the kingdom of God. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be able to be at that spot. But, I'd be lying if I said that I don't hold a lot of other things closer to me than I should; giving them more weighting and importance than they deserve.

I feel that often we feel that abandoning our lives to Christ means giving something up. It means giving up dreams, letting go of a certain relationship that's become comfortable, changing future plans to adopt something daunting and unsure. And we expect that doing that will leave us with less than we started. But, with Jesus it's just the opposite.

"I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me" -
It's that line that gets me everytime. Giving up myself in order to serve Jesus doesn't mean I'm losing something. It means I'm gaining so much more than I ever imagined. Giving up my so-called "perfect plans" because God has taken hold of me, and now I am to take hold of what he has stored away for me. That is adventure. That is exciting.

Even when I find myself in a purpose filled season in my life, it's crazy how those plans and dreams become less about his faithfulness, and will for my life, and so much more about me. I become selfish. It as if, the world revolves around me and what I'm doing at that point in time. Instead of, "I'm studying psychology because I feel that God has called me into that area", it becomes this rat-race of doing whatever I can to pursue that dream, regardless of other people, regardless of other goals. And I focus my attention on psychology (or any other aspiration I have), instead of keeping my gaze focused on Jesus - the One that's supposed to be leading me through the journey.

I should be pressing on - constantly focused on the One that got me this far in the first place, instead of pushing my way through day after day to finish something a goal that's become all about me.

This goes for anything in my life:
Music, songwriting, Psych, French, relationships.

What good are those God-inspired dreams anyways, if God's no longer the one inspiring you to keep going? Nothing.

I think it's in the letting go, that we get to that place. It's the trusting that is the hard part.
But I know in my heart, that what is in in God's heart for me, is what I want more than anything in this world.

K

Just a head's up.

2010-12-13T09:39:00.004-05:00

I think I'm gonna start writing again soon. (Here I mean).

I'm just about to come out of the busiest semester of my life. I feel like I haven't stopped since midterms. (Which would explain the lack of posts)

I've finished 4 of my 6 exams. Have one more this afternoon, and one this upcoming Friday. I've handed in two papers, and gone to staff training. (All in the past week). I know. Crazy.

Anyways, be on the lookout. I feel like I'll have a few things to say in the new year (or maybe sooner!)

K

Exploring at the Uxbridge Fair

2010-09-12T14:22:00.011-04:00

I spent the good part of my afternoon at the Uxbridge fair yesterday. I was actually there to support my good friend in his first ever demolition derby. If you've read my previous post, you will now know that yesterday's derby was my second in the span of two weeks and subsequently my entire life.

Now, you need to know that the Demolition Derby in uxbridge is serious stuff. People show up hours in advance to save spots by attaching their blankets to the benches and bleachers with duct tape. Therefore, wanting good seats, my friends and I showed up several hours early, which gave us some time to spare.

I ended up walking around the fair grounds with my friend Nina and 2 adorable 4 year old twin brothers (the sons of another couple we knew at the fair). And so we explored together, hand in hand. We walked over to the dunk tank and threw some hard balls at that little red dot that, when pushed, gets a shivering man wet all over again. :) We strolled past the carnival rides and Aden explained to me how one of the rides (which looked exactly like a spider) scared him because it went too high. Our adventure continued by staring longingly at the multi-coloured lollipops at the concession stand and poking our noses into the cages at the petting zoo.

The hour or so that we spent together was so enjoyable simply because it helped me see the fair through the eyes of a little child again. To remember what its like to be little. To forget about life for a while and just enjoy the sights and sounds around us.

All pictures taken by my brother Jared, who followed us around in our wonderful adventure. Check out his photos on flickr!

Demolition Derby

2010-09-08T16:57:00.006-04:00

I spent my Sunday afternoon with some good friends painting a derby car for an upcoming demolition car derby this Saturday evening. Don't worry, it is not me that will be participating in this so called 'car fight', but rather a good friend of mine. (I'm slightly concerned for his health and safety) ;)

I say this in the best possible way, but I don't think we could have been more 'hick' if we tried to be. There I am, out in the middle of Uxbridge, dressed in an old t-shirt, shorts, and leggings slopping paint onto a transformed derby car. That evening, after the car had been turned into an art masterpiece, my friends and I made our way to my first demolition derby at the nearby fair in Parry Sound. Of course. We settled in on the bleachers; junkfood in hand and ferris wheel turning behind us, to watch dozens of men (young and old) climb into souped-up cars ready to smash the guts out of eachother. Wheels torn off, billows of smoke rose from broken radiators, the back-end of vehicles smashed up like a pop cans ready to be thrown out, mud flying everywhere, and a full audience watching in anticipation of the winner.

And in fact, I found the entire experience incredibly educational. I really know absolutely nothing about cars, but just from going to that derby and hearing the words I feel a whole lot smarter. Piston, 6 cylinder, radiator, front wheel drive. Look how much I know now! I learned a whole lot more about cars last Sunday that I have ever before, that's for sure (Which really doesn't say a lot.. but still)

I fully enjoyed myself. It was peaceful out in the country, painting a friend's car. The companionship, the laughs, the steady work, the "hick"-ness of it all made for a really rewarding day. We all need a little bit of that in our lives. It reminded me a bit of my summer in Quebec. A lot of things remind me of my summer in Québec. But that of course is another story.

I'm really looking forward to Saturday.

Photo Credit: Jared Krause - Check out his sweet photo blog!!

I'm back.

2010-09-03T19:40:00.002-04:00

I've been gone for quite some time. But I'm back from Québec, and more bilingual than I was when I left.

One of the things I love about leaving home is that being away gives you a sense of freedom and independence you'd never find from your hometown backyard. When you leave home for a period of time, you learn how to trust God with even the smallest of situations. You feel adventurous, and crazy, and beautiful. You feel courageous, and carefree. And at times, you feel homesick, and unsure, and frustrated. But in the end, the positive always outweighs the negative. I never knew feelings could be so tangible. I don't think it's possible to leave and come back the same person. But I think that that's a good thing.

I learned a lot about myself this summer. Or we could say that God taught me a lot of stuff about myself this summer.

So, I'm back. I don't know how often I'll be writing - that will sort itself out as I begin my second year and begin to understand how heavy the workload will be.

But just thought I'd let you know that I'm definitely still alive. Probably quite different from 2 months ago, but still ready to take on the world just the same.

K

2010-06-22T23:12:00.003-04:00

Dancing is good for me. Especially in my room, listening to worship. It's freeing.

I feel the utmost freedom to go now. To Quebec I mean. For a time, nothing is holding me here. Liberty to experience something new. Maybe this newfound feeling - given from God no doubt - is why I'm finding such a reason to dance.

K
----------------------------

La danse, c'est bien pour moi. Surtout dans ma chambre en écoutant les chansons de louange. C'est un affranchissement.

Je me sens la liberté de partir maintenant. Je veux dire au Québec. Pour une saison, rien ne me retient ici. J'ai la liberté de faire un nouveau expérience. Ce dernier sentiment, que Dieu m'a donné sans doute, peutêtre est-il pourquoi je trouve une telle raison de danser.

K

20 Days Till I leave for Quebec!

2010-06-08T23:36:00.002-04:00

Don't ask me how the time has passed so quickly, because I don't have an answer for you.
But, while glancing at my calendar today, I realized that it is just under 3 weeks before I take off for Rollet, Québec - 7 hours north of here.

My feelings on this? Excitement, nervousness, anticipation?
One of my good friends and I were having a conversation a few weeks ago about my upcoming trip to Quebec. She's been living in Australia for the past year and a half attending the Hillsong school - So I felt like my situation resonated with her on a deeper level. We're both leaving home (albeit me for a shorter time), we're both leaving an amazing group of young adults that we've come to cherish, we're leaving the comfort of routine. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to stay right where I am. I could keep working during the week, keep hanging out with friends on the weekends. And it would be comfortable. It would be what I know. It would be simple.

But it wouldn't be what or where God has called me to.
What's easy is not always what is best.
So, I am ready for this next season in my life. I'm ready to learn, and explore, and meet new people. I'm ready to break free from routine.
Bring it on.

K

The midnight hour.

2010-06-03T23:53:00.003-04:00

It's always late at night when my mind whirls around like a spinning ride at the county fair. Thoughts rush in and around until I can't separate one from the other. Somehow I'm so much more pensive in the night. I need a wind-down time. A time for my mind to just work through all the thoughts.

I've tried coming home from a late night shift at Second Cup and hopping in my bed straight away. Might as well forget about it. I need time to slow down. To work through those thoughts that seem insignificant, because sometimes they're significant enough to keep me up for a few extra minutes.

So, I read a book, or look aimlessly at facebook pictures, or I pray, or read my bible, or I eat, or I just sit there on my bed with my bedside lamp on. And after a few minutes, I can shut the light off, close my eyes and drift off into a beautiful sleep.

Good night. Sleep well,

Kirstyn.

Listening to: Haley

2010-06-02T10:49:00.002-04:00

Needtobreathe has never failed to describe exactly the way that I feel. Still my favourite band? Oh yea.

2010-06-01T14:57:00.002-04:00

The days are starting to blend together. One after the other.
These are just a few things I am LOVING about my wonderful summer vacation:

Yummy healthy trail mix
Peanutbutter and honey
No homework
Making cappuccinos
Weekends
NCC young adults
Reading my french book, Plein Ciel
Wearing shorts and flip flops
Sitting out in the sun
Sleeping in
Preparing for the 1body event this SATURDAY!!! (Be there)

Life's pretty peachy...

2010-05-30T19:24:00.001-04:00

I'm not really sure what to write about anymore.

1 Body of Christ Event

2010-05-12T16:48:00.003-04:00

For those of you who don't know. I am leading worship at an upandcoming young adults event happening at Maranatha CRC church in woodbridge on June 5th. The event, 1BODYofChrist, has the purpose of getting a large group of young adults from all different Christian backgrounds and denominations together for a time of worship and creative expression. I've been preparing, praying and practicing a lot these past few weeks, and I'm really excited for what God's going to do.
For more information you can check out: http://1bodyofchrist.wordpress.com/

The Evening Shift

2010-05-12T16:42:00.003-04:00

I don't really mind working in the evening at Second Cup - which seems to the shift that I end up getting the most of.

It's generally quieter and the tips aren't as good, but in the same way it's relaxing.
I also get the entire day off until 6pm to do whatever I want at home.
I'd say its a positive environment.

Second Cup German.

2010-04-28T21:04:00.002-04:00

I've noticed over the past two weeks working at Second cup that there are regulars: People that come in every day and order the same thing. Most of the time, the baristas know exactly what to prepare without even hearing a word from the customer. There's one customer that has a custom drink not even on the menu - called a Luigi! However, if you're new like me, sometimes we have to do a little staring match at the cash register before they realize that I'm new and cannot read their minds and before I realize that they're a regular.

This afternoon for example, a man with a heavy accent comes into the shop that I recognize as one of these so-called regulars, but I can't, for the life of me, remember what he ordered last time. I let him know that I've forgotten - adding on to the end of my sentence the fact that I'm still new.

He proceeded to smile and tell me his order, while also asking me my name. (I guess he figures if I'm going to make him a drink from memory, my name is a must). Our conversation proceeded like this:

That's a german name! he says to me.
Yes, it is. My last name is even more so. Krause (said with proper accent). I respond
Sprechen-sie Deutsch?
Ein bisschen. I understand more than I can speak.

He continued to ask me a few questions - both in German and in English - and I struggled to pull the little bit of German I know from the recesses of my brain. Tom, my co-worker served him his double espresso, while I bagged his oatmeal raisin cookie. The man continued to rattle off several questions to me. He even walked over to my boss and told her that we were speaking German. (More like him speaking, me failing).

Before he left the store he said,

Dankeshön Kirstyn.
Bitteshön.

This simple interaction brought a huge smile to my face. Knowing that I'd now made a connection with one of the regulars. This in and of itself made today's shift a successful one.

Trust will be your light tonight - So close your eyes.

2010-04-27T12:17:00.002-04:00

Title inspired by a new band I have recently discovered, ok nay - that my brother discovered and then shared with me. It's called Future of Forestry. And it's pretty much amazing, I would recommend it to all y'alls.

------

On another note, Summer vacation is well on its way, despite the chilly weather. I went for a walk this morning and was surprised at the biting wind.

My days are composed of work (either at the pool or at Second Cup) as well as what I call French Time. Well, I don't actually call it that, but I figured it needed a name for the purpose of this post. French Time is basically just the time I try to spend every day either learning some new lifeguarding vocab for my summer camp job, reading my french novel Plein Ciel, or watching the news in French. Go ahead and make fun, but I love it.

I also have been spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, and planning a Worship Night that I'm sure you guys will hear about soon enough.

Sometimes I get frustrated when work hinders me from meeting up with people I love, but I figure that's just life. Friends just have to wait sometimes until the shift ends. (I wish it were the other way around.)

That's all.

K

Hates Spam Comments!

2010-04-21T17:22:00.003-04:00

I log onto my dashboard today and see that I have 3 new comments that need to be published. (I always screen my comments before they show up on my page).

This screening has served me well considering that all 3 of the comments were spam! WORST!

Man I hate that.

K

Baking Extravaganza

2010-04-17T22:39:00.004-04:00

Häfe Kranz is one of my family's favourite desserts. Traditionally, it's a sweet german almond bread, however over the years it has been adapted into a sweet bread filled to the max with raisins and chocolate chips. I'm not quite sure what happened to the almonds. They got lost somewhere in translation.

Anyways,

I had a bit of free time on my hands this weekend and thought that I'd take on the challenge of making one of these beauties. I first took on this challenge about two years ago, however the one I made this weekend tops the last one by a mile.

I took some pictures so you can see what a whiz I am in the kitchen. Please keep the drool to a minimum. I know you want a piece.

I am a working girl, I get things done.

2010-04-15T19:25:00.003-04:00

I officially started my job at Second Cup today. It was a three hour training shift where I learned how to use the lovely touch screen cash registers, along with learning how to make you a cup of delicious coffee, or tea. My heart rate must have gone up a few notches during the shift, as I frantically tried to remember all of the buttons to press on that small screen. It's pretty straight forward, but it's difficult when you're dealing with real people who would like their coffee right.
There were several times where I fumbled up, only to apologize with a sheepish grin and explain "I'm in training, today's my first day." I must say that everyone was incredibly understanding. I've discovered that listening to what the customer wants is key. It's gets difficult when they order 3 or 4 different things, and all of them have different modifications - skim, no whip, extra hot.

I'm assuming I'll work a few more weeks before they even get me started on the barista machine - making lattes and cappuccinos and espresso, which by the way, looks about 15 times harder than pressing a button down on a pot of coffee.

All in all, it was a successful shift.
I now have 2 jobs. One at the pool, and one at a coffee shop. I'm blessed.

K

*In reference to the title, you may just want to check out NEWWORLDSON band

Flowers

2010-04-14T19:20:00.002-04:00

As I told you before, my mom bought me a beautiful bouquet of tulips on my birthday. They sat in my room for over a week, and I admired their beauty every day.

I think the reason why I love the idea of receiving flowers is the simple fact that they don't last forever. Therein lies their value. They're precious because they can only be admired so long before they fade. You need to make time to care for them, to smell their scent, take in their sweetness. They don't wait for you to do so, and if you wait too long, you've missed out.

They can't be taken for granted.

Birthday.

2010-04-05T21:02:00.003-04:00

Last year on this day I was invited to Glendon for the Spring Gala and for the Scholar's breakfast. I sat at a table with the dean of Glendon college and ate breakfast with him and a room full of other potential Glendon students.

I was taken on a tour of the school and I remember how much I anticipated going to Glendon.

I remember what also accompanied the day: My 18th birthday, dinner with the family, The Sound of Music downtown, getting accepted to Explore.

I can't believe how quickly the year has passed. Here I am again. On my birthday. I spent several hours studying for my psych exam. I had lunch with the pops at Panara. My mom bought me tulips. I got many birthday wishes. Got to blow out birthday candles. Not to mention that the weather was gorgeous! I don't think I've ever had weather like this before for my birthday.

And as soon as I finish my exam on Wednesday and hand in my paper, I'll be ushering in a weekend full of partying, shopping, and celebrating.

I'm really looking forward to the summer, for many diverse reasons.

K

It's definitely spring.

2010-04-02T10:36:00.001-04:00

I Need to change my blog picture.

Now.

2010-03-29T21:59:00.002-04:00

When I end up taking a break from my studies, I find that my mind wanders every which way.
Sometimes I end up here, but for the past while I haven't find much to write about.
A lack of inspiration?
Maybe.
What is it that you want?
Are you really interested to hear what's going on in my life?
Dunno.
Well, if you are: Here's a quick summary.

I have 2 tests tomorrow morning, one more paper, and an exam on April 7th and then I'm done. Completely done my first year of University. Was it all we made it out to be in the beginning? No. Do I struggle sometimes to find my own way. Yes.

I won a songwriting competition. The Earth Hour Woodbridge one. They presented me with a hefty cheque worth 200 big ones, and had me up on stage last Saturday evening to sing my award winning tune. This of course happened on the same night as my second gospel choir concert. So after the concert I rushed off to woodbridge to sing. I also sang one of the greatest and funnest solos of all time on the show on Friday night. I love that no body expects a short white girl to come out and sing a huge gospel solo. I can hold my ground quite well though. You'd be surprised.

How's work you ask? Fine. However, I've never known people could come up with such vulgar speech before in my life. One of my coworkers told me I could come to work with earmuffs if I didn't like it. Maybe I will, I think to myself.

Plans for the summer? Yup. Planning on going back to Quebec to work at a summer camp. Still waiting to hear back though.

I'm turning 19 next Monday. 2 days before my final paper and Psych exam. Guess what I'll be doing. Studying. The following weekend though I'll be going shopping with Mom and hanging out with friends.

So there you have it. If there was anyone that wanted whatever it was anyway.

K

Nothing Box

2010-03-21T10:37:00.001-04:00

I wish I had one.

Little patches of sunshine.

2010-03-18T17:02:00.004-04:00

I just couldn't take being cooped up inside on such a beautiful day. Especially when they've predicted snow for this upcoming Monday.

It's strange that it is only on these early spring days that we cherish the warmth and sunlight that comes with the new season.
In the winter we let the days pass quickly. And they do with their short-lived hours of precious sunlight.
In the summer we take for granted the heat that comes on a beautiful July afternoon.

But it's these warm March days that tempt us with the approaching warm summer days. We strive to enjoy them, knowing that it's only a matter of time before the last wave of cold leaves its deposit of snow on our frosted lawns in the morning.

Anyways, I decided to take advantage of the sunshine - So I grabbed my macbook (Oh how I love the portable computer generation), some french homework, and set myself up on the front patio.

I love the springtime.

K

Wrap it up...

2010-03-04T21:54:00.003-05:00

How is it possible that I've already reached the last month of classes in my first year at University.

My last exam is scheduled for the 7th of April, and after that I'll be free from the endless clutter of textbooks and binders that take up space on my work desk, much to the relief of my mother which promises she will kick me out of this room (in that I'll-love-you-forever way) if I don't clean up.

What have I learned this year?

Autonomy - I'm just another student trying to make my way. Trying to get a degree. Trying to pursue my "dream". It's a whole lot harder to make friends and keep them. No more small Christian high school where everyone knows you and lovingly encourages your passions and talents. In a way, I enjoy this feeling of being autonomous. I can start fresh. On the other hand, starting fresh can be lonely.

Capability - I can still get the grades. I still work my butt off, but my overall average didn't drop the 20% that most people told me it would.

------------

When I visited my high school about a month ago and talked to my old english prof, he asked me if my current university and program was everything I ever dreamed it would be and more.
I replied ... "Nothings is ever everything we dream it to be. But I'm still enjoying myself."

And that was an honest statement. However, that doesn't mean that sometimes I wish I could just shove the books aside and stop studying. That doesn't mean that I don't miss my old friends, and wish for the comfortable little box that high school provided me with.
That doesn't mean that I don't struggle to figure out what God's doing in my life, and through my life.

But overall,
I enjoy my classes. My campus is beautiful. I've met some really interesting people. I have a great scholarship. 3 day weeks are amazing. And I've got some pretty big dreams for the future.

I'm blessed beyond belief.
Can't complain.

K

2010-03-02T08:57:00.002-05:00

As I got off the TTC bus yesterday at my University campus and made my way down the path toward my morning class, I had the first glimmer of hope that spring really is coming.

Now, I know it's still too early to tell. In fact, we'll probably have another snow storm in no time.
However, yesterday the sun was shining unashamedly. The air was warmer than usual, and I soaked up the much needed light.

My brother and I have been pining away for summer. He told me this morning that he thinks it'll just start getting warmer from here on in. I don't believe him, although I want to.

Who knows.
All I know is that I'm tired of the cold.

K

Reading Week To-Do List

2010-02-20T22:34:00.002-05:00

Write 2500 word paper

Listen to 'Le fait du jour' on rfi.ca every day

Study for Communication, Health, and Enviro. test

See AVATAR

Practice parallel parking

-----

Was I successful? Yeeap.

2010-02-17T21:27:00.003-05:00

February for me has always been a pretty blah month.
Nothing too much to be excited about.

Except for the Olympics! Yay.

I thought Thursdays were the New Mondays. I was wrong.

2010-02-08T22:34:00.002-05:00

Oh Monday,

I try so very very hard to keep a positive outlook when you come creeping around the corner after the bliss of Sunday evening has passed.
I do. I do try consciously to be optimistic.
I face you head on and say:

You can't bring me down.
I am capable of conquering you!

But sometimes, not every week, but occasionally, after a day of bureaucratic French studies at University, and 9-12 year old children who don't listen to you in the pool, and a psych exam you wish would just go ahead and be over already, I can only lie my head down on my pillow and give a sigh of relief thinking:

At least I don't have to do this again for 7 days.

K

Right where I want you.

2010-02-05T20:55:00.003-05:00

I've been feeling lately that I really do not have much to talk about.
Someone will ask me how I am, and I respond with fine, busy, or tired. Those answers sound like cop-outs, and I find myself searching my brain to try and come up with a better answer. I come up blank.

There really is nothing much going on. I go to school, I study, I finish work and assignments.
I go to the pool on Mondays and Thursdays to work, and I spend my weekends seeing some friends when lucky.
I'm still writing songs - when I have time.
But, I even find myself with a lack of time for doing that.

I need to spend less time in front of the TV.

Sometimes I wonder to God. I say to Him, Where are you taking me? What's your plan? What's next? I tell Him that I have no idea.
Sometimes I feel that that's exactly where He wants me.
That in these times of transition is when He's speaking to me the clearest.
I'll hear him at the most unexpected times.
Where do you find your identity when life is in the shadows?

Because it's now more than ever, In the foggy land of my future that I just need to wait. Wait on Him...

So, you can ask me how I'm doing. And I really won't know how to answer you right now. But, I still know that He's at work. In His mysterious and loving way.

I'm excellent.

2010-01-24T22:26:00.002-05:00

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. - Collosians 3:23.

This verse gives me so much purpose and drive. It's so easy for motivation to slip away when you have a really bad prof, or a boss that's mad at you. It's easy to grumble about life when you have piles of homework to finish, and when life's cares are weighing down on you.

But, to work at something with all your heart, not only working hard at it, but excelling at it for God. To bring Glory to him.

Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive. - Titus 2: 9-10

If we live a life that's completely mundane - if we aren't excelling at anything, it we aren't trustworthy and hard-working, why would anyone that doesn't know Jesus ever want to live like us and know him too?

I feel like we're stuck in a societal norm that tells us to be mediocre - You're normal if you get average grades, have a decent job, make some friends, and get by in life by having a good time.

But, I feel like there is so much more, that as followers of Christ we're called to lives that are excellent: lives filled with purpose and direction, favour and dreams.

----

Church was so good tonight.

K

All by myself.

2010-01-23T22:28:00.002-05:00

Lonely. It's defined as being without company, not frequented by human beings, sad from being alone.

And, while on the surface that definition may seem to be correct, I don't know if I fully agree.

Because I've been with great groups of people before, and still felt this so called feeling of being alone. I've also been by myself for long periods of time and felt completely comfortable. So what is it really? Because I know we've all felt it at one point in time. Is it really about being by yourself? Being without friends? Without companionship?

For me, lonely is more than being without company.

Lonely is missing someone you care about a lot. And It may not even be that that someone is geographically far away from you. It may just be that they've changed, or you've changed, and you're missing what used to be.

Lonely is needing a hug, or someone to talk to.

It's realizing that everyone is pursing a different dream, living a different life - moving down a path that is in the opposite direction of your path.

Lonely is the transitional period that comes with change.

And sometimes lonely can show up even when you're in a room full of people.

For me, lonely has nothing at all to do with the actual state of being alone. It's more about missing the ones that you love, and hoping that they too, are missing you.

K

Drafts...

2010-01-18T15:43:00.002-05:00

January 18, 2010

Good morning Monday.
You're gray today. Solemn and moody. Quiet.

I'd sleep you away If I could. But life goes on, without stopping to ask if you need a day to rest.

-------------

January 9, 2010

I've spent my entire weekend holed up in my house, finishing homework, watching T.V., reading my book, and playing some music. That pretty much sums it up.

This is after me trying to set up some interesting plans for at least some of my 4 day weekend. In the end, I had absolutely no luck.

It's difficult to keep up long-distant friendship. I don't even think it has anything to do with the physical distance (although that does make it more difficult). It's more about the frequency that you see the person.

----------

December 25, 2009

I sit here, staring at the blank computer screen, wondering what I should write down.

------------

December 18, 2009
The life of a university student is not glamorous, especially if you're a keener.

------------

December 14, 2009

I just need to stop thinking.
And then I'll be great.

------------

December 5, 2009

I know.

-------------

Yea, so those are most of the drafts that I've started and never finished and decided not to publish.

But for lack of creativity, and for the comment on my last post. Here they are. Enjoy.

K

Good morning Monday.

2010-01-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

Yet another blog post saved into my drafts.

Thoughts.

2010-01-14T21:36:00.003-05:00

I always knew there would be concepts and ideas that I'd come across in my study of psychology that would contradict what I believe. I came across that this week in my lecture hall.

I'm taking up piano again - Gr. 9, I'm not working towards finishing it, or taking the exam. I just got the book and am learning some songs in it when I find the time.

I spend my Thursdays in my room doing homework. All day.

Sometimes I fell like I go and go and go and go and don't have time to just stop and take a day off.

There are so many things that I want to do, and I don't have time to do all of them. I hate that.

But I still feel like I'm pursuing something worthwhile - that I'm following my dreams. So, overall I'm good. Tired. But good.

Kirstyn.

Nooma

2010-01-08T12:45:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was wasting time on Youtube when I discovered that people have nothing better to do than make videos about Rob Bell videos - that and calling him a heretic.

Which I think is funny, and slightly sad. Considering that most of them take what he says out of context to mean something completely different.

I actually find Rob Bell quite intelligent, and have enjoyed some of his written/video material.

So there.

K

2009.

2009-12-28T12:02:00.018-05:00

A Service trip to Honduras during March Break.

Great times with friends at Freshwind 2009

Best 18th birthday present ever: A trip to see The Sound of Music. Earlier that day was a specialty breakfast at Glendon college, and an Il Fornello dinner with family.
A tea party birthday party with my best girls: Scones, tea, and elaborate hats.

An exciting year for my first album: The Heart - CD release concert on April 18th.

Prom.

Graduation.
Dates with my favourite brother downtown. Favourite was dinner and poetry slam.
6 weeks spent in Trois-Pistoles Québec perfecting my french.

My first semester at Glendon College, with a full scholarship.

Other highlights of this year include Rumors production with the Upper Level Drama Class, different gigs in the Toronto area, leading worship at North York, Frosh Week at Glendon, and York U Gospel Choir on Tuesday nights.

Here's to 2009, here's to a new year, here's to seeing what God's going to do with it.

K

Anne.

2009-12-26T21:41:00.006-05:00

I spent this evening curled up on the couch beside the fireplace watching the first part of Anne of Green Gables The Sequel.

The one where Gilbert Blythe professes his love to her - finally after all this time. And I realized, that this is the first time I've watched Anne of Green Gables The Sequel, and realized how head over heals he is for her. I guess I've always been to young to notice. It felt like I was watching an entirely new movie.

But it's not only Gilbert Blythe that makes this one of the greatest stories - but it's Anne spirit and character. It's her interaction with Marilla, her adventures in Avonlea, her messups with Rachael Lynd, and her trials at the Pringle school.

This story is the one story that I wish could be real. I know that there are people who go and visit Prince Edward Island, only to see the house used in this beautiful novel. And I find myself sometimes forgetting that it is only that; a story based on a real place.
But wouldn't it be great if in that house, you would find a happy, slowly aging, married Gilbert and Anne?

All I know is that if Gilbert Blythe took the time to tell me that he'd wait for me, man, I'd fall head over heals for him too.

K

2009-12-24T13:28:00.002-05:00

It's Christmas Eve!

YAAAAAAYYY! That means presents tonight.

Oh, and Jesus - Him too.

K

It's Christmas time.

2009-12-18T22:49:00.006-05:00

I used to be really into painting. In fact I have 7 painted canvases hung up on my wall, and a storage room downstairs with a shelf dedicated to paints, brushes, and art supplies.

I've never considered myself to be an incredible artist, but I've always liked how painting quiets me down. It takes me away for a little while, to a more peaceful place and it gives me a whole bunch of time to just think ... about everything.

I guess I forgot that feeling. Chalk it up to life, or the excuse of not knowing what to paint, or being busy and trying to stay on top of being a university student - which, by the way, is not as glamourous as it sounds ... really.

But since it's Christmastime I decided to pull out the old paintbrush and paint some Christmas cards - like I like to do every year for those of you that know me. Last year I didn't get around to it, which is a shame.

I take a blank white sheet of cardstock, cut it, fold it, and then paint on Christmas trees, and angels, manger scenes and snowmen ... anything Christmas-y that my little heart desires.

They're simple, but I like it that way.

I even put in a little extra effort so that they would look extra special this year.
I've done 5 so far, and I probably need a few more.

But anyways, I just thought I'd share that after a frustrating evening of studying and paper outlines, and uncertainty about the future - a simple enough thing such as painting cards has me feeling a little bit better.

Maybe everything is ... ok ... with the world after all.

K

Yea, soo I guess I just stop thinking...about you.

2009-12-15T14:31:00.003-05:00

I write a lot of things down in this box - with the full intent of publishing it.

Most of it gets saved into a draft though, because I don't really want the whole world reading my deepest thoughts, and cares, and hopes, and loves.

Because diary blogs are overrated anyways.

But then, it ends up that I don't post a lot anymore.
Because anything I write ends up being closer to the diary entry prototype rather than just the everyday blog one.
However, the drafts generally get translated, by me, into a sentence - which I end up using to title these mundane blog posts such as celui-ci (this one).

Whatever, I guess we'll just chalk to up to "teenage angst".

K

Short, short, short.

2009-12-12T10:21:00.004-05:00

I got my hair cut yesterday.
It's short.
...probably shorter than I wanted it.
It still looks great, but we just have to take some time getting to know each other (me and my hair that is)

K

I'm come to terms with it.

2009-12-08T22:14:00.002-05:00

Finished my last day of classes today.
I have one more exam. Not until the 21st. Psych. Some say it sucks that I'm not done till then, but look at the bright side, at least I have time to study.

When I'm not studying however I will be going to christmas parties!!
I think I'm up to 5 now. 5 holiday parties. Wow, I'm popular!

K

I don't know.

2009-12-04T23:14:00.003-05:00

Yea. I don't know.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.
But is it just an illusion of heightened fondness?

Because sometimes it's easier during the moments before you find out what the real picture looks like.
Like right before you find out if you got a part in the school play. Or the moment before you find out if you aced the midterm or not.

Or I guess before you find out if he has an inkling of fondness towards you as well.

Maybe not knowing is better.
Maybe the illusion of fondness is better than the crashing reality of lack there of.

Maybe imagining having the lead, or acing the test is better than actually knowing.

Am I convincing you?
Yea didn't think so.
Haven't convinced myself either.
In then end, you still just want to know.

K

It's December

2009-12-01T22:42:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning with very much reluctance, forcing my eyes to stay open trying realize that the dream world I just left is, in fact, not part of reality.

I went about my normal routine, took a long hot shower, and afterward made my way down to the empty kitchen to make myself some breakfast.

My mother put some Christmas lights up on our deck this past week, and seeing that I get up at an hour where the world is still dark outside, I flicked on the switch, and turned on the glorious lights.

Only when I turned on these lights did I realize that it was snowing. And not only that, but it was snowing my favourite kind of snow. Big clumps of snowflakes falling slowly to the ground.

I stopped by the door that goes out to the walk-out deck in my backyard and just watched it fall for a few minutes.

Needless to say, it made me feel just a little less sleepy, and might have put a tiny grin on my face.

K

Christmas season is here. There's no doubt about it.

Don't worry,

2009-11-28T10:40:00.002-05:00

Lately my posts have been kind of down.
But I just thought I'd let y'all know that I'm doing well.

I've got some cool things going for me.
Life is exciting.

Sometimes everyone needs a crying day though.
K

2009-11-25T22:18:00.001-05:00

Maybe if I wait here long enough, you'll say hi.

To me.

K

Hello? Anyone there?

2009-11-25T21:25:00.002-05:00

I'm starting back at square one.
Like a timid freshman back in high school.

It took me two years in high school to find some really great friends.
And I'm thinking, is it gonna take that long again?

I really miss my friends.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't fit in at all.

K

Wierdest craziest weekend ever!

2009-11-21T22:28:00.003-05:00

Yea pretty much.

So Thursday morning I go to work, bright and early, to watch people swim lengths in the pool. I am a lifeguard for any of you that didn't know.

It's generally pretty dull on Thursday mornings. Two people on the shift, half an hour on, half an hour off. However, this Thursday It changed up a bit.

A man, probably in his mid thirties, came onto the pool deck around 11:30am carrying with him socks, and what looked like a homemade snowboard in his hands. He proceeded to enter the water with his contraption. He then donned the socks, slipped his feet into these two hinged foot thingies on the wooden plank, secured the buckles (or whatever it was that kept his feet attached to this board) and proceeded to swim/dolphin kick his feet to the deepend. Now this wasn't just any snowboard - Between the foot contraption and the board was a hinge that allowed him, after kicking his feet just so, to propel himself through the water. He would go pretty deep under the water (now my pool is 12 feet deep, so there's quite a ways to go) and kick his way from one end of the pool to the other in a matter of seconds, swimming under the other patrons as he did so.

(My supervisor was asked to make sure this behaviour in a public pool was ok, she didn't seem to have a problem with it)

Right before my break, I asked him what exactly he was using. With a thick accent he responded, telling me that it was a new technology - the only one of it's kind, and that he was just testing it out.

Later on in the shift, after he had finished using his waterboard, he swam lengths of the pool completely under water. He would slowly swim to one end of the pool and back without taking a breath. I began to believe that he was a fish.

He notified me a little bit later that he would be going to the bottom of the pool to hold his breath for about twenty seconds and that I should not be concerned. He would be ok. He took one of those 10 pound bricks they use for endurance in lifeguard training courses, and made his way to the bottom of the 12 feet deep pool, and proceeded to lie on his back on the bottom with the brick on his chest. Every few seconds he would let out a bubble that would form into a perfectly round ring of air that would rise to the surface all the while staying in its ring, and all the while getting bigger. Picture a smoker blowing smoke rings - it was exactly the same thing.

Right before I was about to finish my last shift, he asked me, again in his strong accent, if I played any sports - he must have assumed that I do because he went on to inform me that my legs were very strong. (Probably a cultural thing) Now feeling very awkward, I said thank you, and to my relief a few minutes later left a few minutes later.

Yea. Weirdest shift ever.
If you're expecting me to shout "just kidding" or "NOT!" or "April Fool's" anytime soon, I wouldn't hold your breath, because this story is no word of a lie.

There you have it. I get paid to watch weird people swim in pools.

K

2009-11-15T23:05:00.002-05:00

What do you do when you have no control over the outcome of something happening in your life.
But you want to have control over it?
It's hard to swallow when you realize that there's absolutely nothing you can do... but wait.
And even then they're aren't any guarantees it'll turn out the way you want.

Being someone who likes to get things done yesterday, and who likes to have things organized and planned out just so, and who likes to know what's happening, and down which path things are going, I must say that I feel very helpless.

This is all so new to me. Not sure how I'm liking it

K

...Patience...

2009-11-09T22:46:00.003-05:00

"If I mean anything to you, then I should mean enough for you to tell me that I do."

Life is a waiting game sometimes.
But, waiting builds trust, it fuels hope, it reminds me that something better is coming.

I met a girl the other week who's name was patience. I ended up telling my friends at school about that name, but most of them weren't particularly fond of it.
One of my friends defined patience as simply waiting around, in a boring sort of way.

But, for me patience means so much more than 'waiting around'.
For me, it means
Waiting with the anticipation that something better is coming
It's waiting with hope that the things that you long for will come to pass.
It's got a sense of purpose, and direction.
If it's not the right time now, then it will be in sometime the future.

At least that's what I get out of it.

K

Mild weather in the fall is also a welcome surprise.

2009-11-07T21:14:00.003-05:00

Today I stepped out of my office where I do my endless hours of homework and went for a walk with my mother because today was an exceptionally beautiful day; too beautiful to miss out on. The sun was shining, it was mild, and the fallen autumn leaves crunched under my feet as I walked outside without so much as a sweater.

My mother and I made our way to starbucks where I had a Chai Tea Latté with cinnamon sprinkled on top of the foam that floats on the top. With the spice and sweet aftertaste lingering on my taste buds, we made our way back home chatting all the way.

It was a nice break.

K

When life changes

2009-10-30T22:38:00.002-04:00

it's like you've got to realize your purpose here in life all over again.

It's all different, so now you have to analyze those scary questions:

Where am I going?

What am I living for?

Who are my friends?
What are my priorities?

And sometimes it just seems so uncertain.
Because you don't know what's coming,

But,

If this doesn't break me, then it'll only make me stronger.
If this doesn't tear me down, I'll be able to weather
Anything that comes my way
As long as I remember that you never leave me.

You never leave me.
Your promises are what I'm holding on to.

K

2009-10-28T22:16:00.001-04:00

A hand to hold?
What's that like?

I don't really know.

I've noticed

2009-10-22T22:54:00.003-04:00

that long distance sucks.
That friendship takes serious effort sometimes.
and that I generally put zero effort into looking nice when I'm hanging around the house all day doing homework.

Basically,

I'm a little confused.
Anyone else with me?

K

2009-10-21T20:51:00.001-04:00

Yea. So I'm up to my head in work and exams and assignments and school.

So.. forgive me if I don't have much time to update this blog, or the french one.

You'll see me around.

K

Le Français

2009-10-13T10:55:00.004-04:00

I'm thinking of starting a french blog.

It would be written completely in french, and I'd post things about regular stuff going on in my life, my french classes at Glendon, new vocabulary words I learn along the way, French musicians I like, books I'm reading, news I listen too, movies I watch. It would be dedicated to French culture and it's beautiful language.

What do you think?

Moi, je pense que c'est une idée merveilleuse.

:)

THE FRENCH BLOG IS UP! CHECK MY LINKS!

K

Where we gonna go from here?

2009-10-10T11:52:00.003-04:00

But sometimes things change.
Right from under your nose.
And there's nothing much you can do.
'Cept maybe pray.

And you didn't expect it. No sir.
But this is the way it is.
And now you just gotta do some rearranging.

Networking

2009-10-06T21:25:00.003-04:00

One of my goals as I start off my university career is to meet a lot of new people. The opportunity we've been given as students in a large educational institution is really one to be cherished. The relationships we make in the next four years could be the people that stick with us for a very long time. So, I'm trying to branch out a bit.

Church, Ultimate Frisbee. C4C, Glendon Christian Fellowship, Friends at Glendon, Cell, Gospel Choir - I got a lot of people running through my life right now.

It's hard to remember so many names.

Friend

2009-10-04T15:28:00.002-04:00

I miss you.
I'd drop anything just to have a conversation.
You know that, right?
Let's talk.

K

You show me chivalry ain't dead.

2009-09-30T21:27:00.004-04:00

Deep down somewhere in the core of my being,
and I can especially feel it when I play my music,
and I can especially feel it lately for some odd reason,
I think I'm a hopeless romantic.

But for now, I guess, it's still a season of keeping that tucked away for later use...

yup.

K

2009-09-25T10:31:00.004-04:00

So, I'm going to be on TV next Friday.
I'm playing a little music on York Region Daytime.
Which is cable channel 63 I believe.
You can check it out at 11am, 3pm, and 5pm.
It's gonna be fun.

K

Tabula Rasa

2009-09-20T11:50:00.002-04:00

I was really thinking about my relationship with God last night, and how it relates to every other aspect in my life. It's been pretty rough lately, I'd say just because I'm in a point of transition. Everything in my life feels like it's up in the air. Music, University, Friendships, Relationships, Work, Church, Activites. Everything's changing all at once.

But, I got this crazy picture in my head from God last night. I asked him if we could start over. If, in this changing part of my life, we could start with a blank slate.

And so, I saw myself pushing a heaping unorganized pile of stuff that symbolized my life off of a floor. I cleared off the floor by putting all the stuff on the edges and said "There, let's start with a clean slate, a clean floor, just you and me"
And God said to me,
"That's not how we start with a clean slate. It really won't accomplish anything if you sweep everything off to the side. If we're gonna start new and fresh then we need to deal with that stuff."
So, then I got a picture of all of that stuff, representing my life, organized into a tiny little office. The office had bookshelves, and a desk, drawers, and every other thing you could imagine that would help to organize a working space.
And God said to me, "If we're gonna start fresh, you can give me your pile of stuff, and we'll organize it together. One day at a time. And I'll hold onto your dreams, your aspirations, your relationships, your school situation. It's all here in this space. I'll be watching over it."

That was really powerful because I realized then that I had had the impression that starting with a blank slate meant that I needed to get my relationship with God in order before I could start dealing with the mess in my life. And once I had established this working relationship with him, the result would be me being able to figure out where I stand in this transition.

But for God, it's not like that. Not only does he want to start fresh and new, but he wants to help me deal with my stuff at the same time. In fact, starting new MEANS dealing with the stuff. My relationship with God is not separate from the different aspects of my life, but rather an interconnected factor that influences it.

That's cool.

K

2009-09-18T13:33:00.001-04:00

4 day weekends are sweet man!

Update on my time at Glendon.

2009-09-15T21:04:00.003-04:00

I have successfully finished my first class in all six of my courses.
I can already tell that it's going to be a lot of work. But, who are we kidding, I expected that.
My "List of things to do" is already stretching from here to Timbuktu, which makes me thankful for my 4 day weekends, those of which I will be spending the majority of my time doing homework.

I went to my first Gospel Choir Rehearsal today! I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. It was absolutely fantastic, completely worth my time taking the shuttle from Glendon to Keele. I'm going to love it.

My French classes: I feel that they will be helpful in terms of improving my french, but whether or not they will be fun... that is yet to be seen. Probably not. We'll see. I want to stay optimistic. I really want to spend this year applying myself to speak, read, and listen to la langue française hors de l'école (outside of the classroom).

In terms of extra curricular.. not sure yet what I'll have time for. I tried to sign up for Glendon Christian Fellowship, but they seem to meet on all the days that I am not available. Tuesday nights, when I'm at the Gospel Choir at Keele, Monday nights when I work, and Thursdays when I'm not at school. So, we'll see how that works out.

Needless to say, I'm coming home tired (more like wiped) everyday, and I am in the midst of getting over a cold.
Eugh...but I'm content.

K

University Student

2009-09-09T19:26:00.002-04:00

If you take a look at my 'About Me' section. You'll see one thing that has changed. I went from being a High School student to one in University.

I had my first official day of University today. Two, three hour classes from 9-3pm. Not that bad considering my first class let out 45 minutes early, and my second 2 hours early.

My courses?

French - Grammar
French - Oral and Phonetics
Communication, Health, and Environment
Intro to Psych
Thinking and Writing Critically
Gospel Choir

Being on a campus like Glendon, regardless of the fact that I'm living at home, makes me feel inspired. Maybe I'm speaking to fast, and need to wait until the dead of winter when I'm up to my eyebrows in readings, tests, and papers. But, it's a change. And I think that overall it's going to be a positive one.

I've probably been sounding a little bit like a broken record these days in my posts, but give the girl a break, she just started UNIVERSITY!

First day of classes - survived.
Thank you very much.
First week of classes - finished... (considering I only have classes Monday through Wednesday and today is Wednesday and classes started today)

My 4 day weekend is looking ever so lovely.
Tomorrow is the ugly task of spending oodles of money on textbooks that I'll probably never use after this year. Oh the joys.

K

Waiting game.

2009-09-07T11:48:00.002-04:00

I guess I've just been feeling a little out of it lately.
It seems like everything around me is changing so quickly.
And it's all good. But good change doesn't stop you from needing to make adjustments.

There are a lot of 'Firsts' happening in my life right now.
With University looming, and new friendships, my head is spinning a little bit.

When change happens, it's so easy to worry. It's so easy to try and juggle everything you've got going on by yourself.

But, I've been taking every day this past week one step at a time.
We'll just do one day at a time.
And see how it goes from there.

2009-09-04T12:50:00.003-04:00

So, If I think about it. This is really the last day of my summer vacation. Because Frosh Week begins tomorrow!

I should do something terribly epic today.
But I'm out of ideas.

I'm going to a party tonight though! That's exciting.

K

4 letter word.

2009-08-30T21:46:00.005-04:00

What is the difference between actually needing someone, and needing the idea of them?
Is it that we want to hold their hand, spend time with them specifically, be wrapped up in their warm embrace, or do we just want a hand to hold; someone yet no one in particular with which we can feel happy and loved?
Do we get caught up with the idea of love and relationships, and all the implications it brings?
And is it the idea we fall in love with, rather than the person?
Maybe.
But,
Maybe all relationships begin with this idea.
Has anyone ever been like: "I had no idea that we would enter into this relationship before the very second that we officially did."
Don't think so.
Is it a selfish idea? Maybe even a dangerous one?
Are we supposed to shut down that idea, that need and desire to love and be loved and wait for it to ACTUALLY happen?
Again, don't think so.
But is there a fine line between the two? And how to we ride that wave?
Thoughts anybody?

K

Anyone out there?

2009-08-26T16:31:00.004-04:00

I was wondering if, in order to have a blog, you need to have some sort of theme that you follow when writing posts?

For example, my brother has a photo blog. He takes wonderful pictures and posts them. And only when he feels like it does he add his two cent's worth with some written words. After all, a picture speaks a thousand words.

I just recently watched 'Julie and Julia' in Theatres. The girl in that movie started a blog about cooking. In fact she cooked her way through a cookbook for a year, and wrote a blog about it.

And me. Well, I really don't have anything specific that I want or need to write about.
But, I figure, since there are a substantial amount of people doing the exact same thing as me, that's it's probably all right to keep going the way that I am.

K

6 weeks.

2009-08-15T21:28:00.002-04:00

I think I owe it to you guys to write in English this time. I am home from Québec after all.
It feels good to be home. To have my own bed. To be able to eat my own food. Speak my first language. Have internet at home. Know how to do the laundry.

I felt humidity again today for the first time in 6 weeks.
With the St. Lawrence right beside you, you forget that humidity exists, because the fresh breeze from the water blows any trace of it away.

I read a chapter from Jeanne, fille du Roy today. A french novel. I've read the chapter before during Grade 12 French. But this time, I whipped through the pages, understanding so much better the meaning of the words. It was actually amazing. I feel like I've finally reached a level of french where I can do more than get by. Where I can have actual conversations, with old folks from an old folk's home no less!
All of the hard work, all of the years of study, all of the painful hours of wondering over the stange grammatical rules, are SO worth it, just when I realize that I can speak the language.

I'm definitely not fluent. Not yet.
But when I found myself in a francophone setting this summer, all of the grammar that I'd studied for so long all the sudden began making sense. And I began using it in an oral setting.
There's nothing cooler than realizing that you suddenly understand tiny little pronouns like "EN" and "DONT", and can use them on a regular basis.

Trois-Pistoles was one of the coolest expierences ever.
I'd do it again.
We'll see.

Enjoy the English.
I've missed you guys.
K

2009-08-12T16:59:00.002-04:00

Il y a été un changement de programme. Je vais retourner chez moi. Vendredi.
À bientôt. :)

Change of plans. I'm coming home. Friday
See you soon!

Je m'ennuie.

2009-08-10T13:27:00.000-04:00

Il prend du courage d’être ici après tout le monde a quitté.
Hier soir, je suis allé au Caveau Théâtre pour un spectacle d’humour. Un des animateurs du programme Explore est en train de commencer un acte du comédie, donc, j’ai pensé que je devrais aller, juste pour voir qu’est ce qui se passe.

Personne n’est pas venue avec moi. Je suis arrivé au théâtre, j’ai vu beaucoup de gens que je connaît (Ma prof, mon animateur, les autres animateurs/trices du programme). Mais, je me suis assis toute seule parce que je n’étais pas confortable de m’asseoir avec eux. Je ne sais pas pourquoi, mais maintenant que le programme a fini, aussi le travail des animateurs. Ai-je le droit ?

Je veux que mon travail commence.
Fromagerie ce soir !

K

2009-08-08T20:44:00.002-04:00

C'est fou. Absolument fou. J'ai fini 'Explore'. Hier, tout le monde est parti sur le train. À trois heure du matin. Euuh. C'est bizarre que le temps a passé si vite.

Alors, la deuxième partie de mon été peut commencer. Langue et Travail. Je commence mardi.

Je vais écriver plus demain quand j'ai plus de temps.

Maintenant je vais regarder un film Québecois avec des autres filles ici qui a resté pour Langue et Travail aussi.

K

2009-07-26T16:06:00.001-04:00

Je comprend pas pourqoui l'écriture de mon dernier post est devenu un "link" de la première photo. Désolé. lol

K

2009-07-25T12:39:00.003-04:00

3 semaines fini.
Si vous n'avez pas encore entendu, j'ai décidé de rester ici pour 3 semaines en plus pour un programme qui s'appelle 'Langue et Travail'.

C'est un programme où les étudiants ont la chance pour travailler ici, font de l'argent, et continuent d'amélioré leur français.

Je pense que je vais travailler au Villa des Basques qui est un maison pour les personnes âgées.

Ce weekend, il y a le festival d'échofête ici a Trois-Pistoles, avec beaucoup de spectacles, et kiosks, et activités. Ce soir, il y a un Conte (un conte est un histoire.. un conteur est quelqu'un qui raconte un histoire) C'est une grande tradition au Québec.

Demain, il y a un spectacle de Yann Pereau. Il est célèbre pour ses chansons et sa musique.

Bonjour Tout le monde.

2009-07-12T16:07:00.002-04:00

J'était ici à Trois-Pistoles il y a une semaine.

Désolée pour n'écriver pas, mais je suis toujours occupée. Quand je ne suis pas dans l'école, je suis dans mon atalier, quand je ne suis pas dans mon atalier, j'ai beaucoup de devoirs à faire, quand je n'ai pas devoirs, il y a quelque chose à faire ici à Trois-Pistoles.

Je n'ai pas l'access d'internet chez moi, alors ça c'est une autre raison pour n'écriver pas.

Je commençais écriver une chanson en français. Il y a un caberet dans 2 semaine, et je veux jouer quelquechose, mais le chanson a besoin d'être en français. C'est très difficile, alors les paroles sont assez simple.

Alors, je parler en français tout le temps, avec mes amis, avec ma famille d'hôtesse, aves les étudiants, et les gens ici a Trois-Pistoles.

Et maintenant, je pense que c'est penible quand les étudiants anglophone parlent en anglais.
Mais c'est vraiment une programme d'imersion.

J'ai un présentation orale demain. J'avait besion de demander a quelqu'un qui habite à Trois-Pistoles, ce qui répresnte la société québecoise, et puis, j'ai besion de décrire la même chose pour ma culture. Maintenant j'ai fini, peutêtre un peu plus pratiquer, mais je suis, pour la plupart, prête.

Alors,
ça c'est tout pour aujourd'hui

Bonjour.

K

2009-07-08T16:45:00.001-04:00

Je n'ai pas le temps pour ecriver quelque chose maintenant, mais peutêtre ce soir.

Mias, après 4 jours du pluie, il fait du soleil! ENFIN :)

K